My grandson and his parents-should I just butt out?

Question

My grandson will be 2 in mid-July. My son and daughter-in-law do not live close to us so we see them 3-4 times a year. This past week they came home for an important family gathering and I am disturbed at my grandsons progress or lack of as far as communication. My son and his wife are WONDERFUL parents, but I am wondering if they are too doting. My grandson points and they jump-- he throws temper tantrums when he doesn't get his own way and they do nothing about it. He speaks very little although I know he can as when it is just him and I-he will talk up a storm. My husband and I babysat one night while they went out with some friends and it took me a while, but we finally had him running around-playing and rolling around outside. He was having a ball. He got dirty like I have never seen him (which is really not allowed by my DIL at all) and went to bed without issue and slept all night long. They picked him up in the morning and he was winey and moody all over again. They live in a very warm area, where it gets pretty miserable outside--so they stay in the house alot. They watch tv quite a bit and since they work alot (she a restaurant manager and he owns his own consturction company), he is at the sitters alot of the time. He is as smart as a whip--I do not believe for one minute he isn't able to do all the things a 2 year old should do, he just doesnt' when his parents are around and they don't make him. They have just entered him into a new daycare/nursery school that I think will benefit him greatly--playing with other kids and having to speak etc. I wish he lived closer so he could spend more time with us (we live on a farm and he LOVES the animals) but that is not possible. The stories I hear from my DIL about her upbringing, her parents were very, very strict, bordering on cruel (opne side of the story I know) my son was disciplined and to be honest once he got past about 7-8 years, I hardly ever had to discipline him, he had a good solid basis of right and wrong. They are both loving parents and I know they believe they are doing the right thing and only want whats best but sometimes I think they are too laid back with him. So do I keep my mouth shut or do I say something to my son/DIL? The not discipling is the part that really concerns me. They have to have a good solid base or they get out of hand as they get older.

Update:

This IS my first grandchild and he is such a sweetheart--I just want him to have the very best. They love him to pieces and he is definately a very lucky little boy. They are good people, they have a loving relationship and are both laid back personalities, they provide for him anything he could want and what they don't/can't--his grandparents do (of course we spoil him!!LOL). I need to just butt out and keep my mouth shut. After putting it here, I re-read it -I thought what the heck am I thinking. Also, I would never just pipe up and say you are doing this or that wrong, but would bring it up when the time arrose, very delicately. I would never want to affend my son or his wife--I love them both!!! He will be fine and I made my mistakes as a mom (single mom for many, many years) they will too.

Update 2:

And Ranay, I am really not making it out to be worse than it is and they live 10 hours away. Yes I miss him alot. When they are home or when we go down to visit them, we always get him overnight--my ex lives near them but he really doesn't help them out very much (which I don't understand). I would babysit ALL THE TIME if I could. I told my husband that if I ever run away from home, he will know where I have gone LOL!!! Thanks for your input.

JennyP · Accepted Answer

Take yourself back 30 years or so and imagine your mother or mother-in-law calling to question your parenting techniques, disciplinary measures and imply that you might be damaging your child.  How would you have handled that?

You're right to be concerned about your grandson's development, and he's lucky to have a loving grandmother, but as long as you know he's being well cared for and is not in any physical danger, then you just have to allow them to parent as they see fit.  I promise you that questioning them will only be met with resentment and it won't do anything for your family dynamic.  If they call you and ask for your opinions because they have specific questions or concerns, then by all means, tell them what you think.  Until then, you just have to let them do their job!

Samantha · Answer

I think being a grandmother is new to you. I'm not sure it is really your place to "show" concern especially when you are saying they are "wonderful" parents. You can have yur opinion but the bottom line is THEY are the parents they choose whas right and wrong how they want him to be raised. I think talking to them will only push them away. I know from eexperience my son is 10 months and I'm only 21. Don't think like other "young" moms. I'm very lucky to be able to be a stay at home mom and I attend school full time. We are looking to buy a house and we are already out on our own. I have 2 cars my boyfriend has a truck and a work van. We are very responsible. But my mom always is butting in telling us everything we should be doing for him. How I put him to bed too late. Feed him the wrong kinds lf foods. And she is fine to have her opinion but when it becomes judgemental about my judgement with my son it becoms offensive. Its a thin line, but I don't think its yours to cross.

quinillo · Answer

I consider that you're proper approximately allot of the disorders happening. I consider she did over step her bounds and she or he didn't admire your choice. I additionally agree that she could also be slightly dissatisfied however that she could also be utilising it to get her manner. On the opposite hand, it's tough as a mother or father to understand what to do and the way to behave with a brand new grand little one, chiefly whether it is her first or despite the fact that it is not unique daughter in legislation and unique kids behave another way and expectancies are unique. So supply her slightly holiday. I consider with a individual like this you must set very transparent recommendations and barriers. When she crosses them, manage them instantly and do not allow matters construct up. Respect her critiques as her being an elder, bear in mind what she says objectively after which make your possess choice. If you do not desire her opinion on anything it's alright to give up her and say I recognise you have been a nice mother and now I'm looking to be a well Mom too and determine matters out for myself. If I want your aid with anything, I'll be certain to invite. and so on.., I recommend you be the better individual and make contact with her. Tell her that matters have simply gotten out of hand and that you just could like to sit down down together with her like 2 adults and spot what you'll figure out to make every body extra pleased and extra secure. Good Luck!

teri · Answer

everything sound find to me. some kids just play up a bit more when their parents are around. It just sounds like you making it sound worse than it really is and all you want is to make it an issue coz you really want him to be with you as you miss him and dont really see him that much. i live in a rainy city and there are always things to do and by the sounds of them moving him to a new nursery they care alot. why dont you offer to have him for a few days a few times a year (just you and him) that way you can send 24-7 with him and give him just all of you attention

352 · Answer

Now is the time to bring it up. Now me being the daughter in law myself, I cant really give advice from that point of view BUT my sister has 2 kids that my Mom (their Grandma) is now raising . My mom had to step in due to the fact my 4 year old niece is having behavior issues which seem to be rubbing off on her 2 year old little sister. My sister is a single parent who has no interest in properly teaching and disciplining them so my Mom had no choice but to step in .The daycare your grandson goes to should help though ,my 4 year old niece is almost the opposite she does NOT speak well but never shuts up. Her vocabulary is no better than her 2 year old sister's and she is no smarter than her 2 year old sister because my sister didnt do her job. there is NOTHING wrong with you stepping in if you love this baby ! :)

Amanda · Answer

It sounds like they are great parents.  Everyone has different parenting styles.  You have your opinions but it doesn't mean you are right and they are wrong.  I suggest you leave it alone.  They are doing a good job, just not what you would do.  I think it would strain your relationship with them if you tried to butt into their parenting.

Paloma · Answer

They're his parents. Now get on with YOUR life. He's not coming to any harm. Why make such a big deal out of nothing?

Anonymous · Answer

I fail to see a problem.

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My grandson and his parents-should I just butt out?

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