My child won't sleep through the night at age 4!?

My daughter had bedtime anxiety as well. What I started doing is rewarding her for staying in bed. I started a chart that gave her 10 points for staying in bed each night. For every time she got up, she would have to remove a star from the chart. At 100 points, she earned a sleep over in the living room with mom or a date to the movies with mom. Also, I had her choose her favorite stuffed animal to sleep with and I put a TV in her room and would play movies like "My Little Pony" and "Dora" so she had something to keep her mind off of me while going to bed. Not all parents agree with a TV in the kids room, but I hadn't slept a full night in 4 years and I needed to. The last thing I did was put a video baby monitor next to her bed to reassure her that I was watching her and I would be there if she needed me. Just giving her that sense of security calmed her down so I got 3 hours of sleep without interruption each night. Also, about the separation anxiety during the day, you might try using the chart for that as well. Be creative and reward her when she does well. With my daughter, it was a phase and she stopped by the time she was 5 1/2. Now I only wish she would want to follow me around like she used to. I hope you and your little girl get much needed sleep.

The received wisdom on this is to leave them alone and let them yell it out. However, I wonder if that is the best course. Certainly as I see your case as you have described it I think you really need to spend some time with her. Children don't know that they are supposed to be at a particular stage of development at a certain age, sometimes they progress and sometimes they regress, and you just have to deal with the stage they are at, rather than where you want them to be.

The best thing to do would be to take a week off work and spend your time getting into her world. Very often once they feel comfortable with their mother they are willing to move on. It maybe a case of just giving her attention, plenty of hugs, plenty of reassurance.

You may feel that this is giving in to her clingingness, but you do start to use it to your advantage. The thing is that kids demand attention, they do it by being naughty, fiddling with their food, infact anything that gets your undivided attention. So what I am saying is give your undivided attention, but do it at a price, and the price is good behaviour. As you say she was ill, you may have missed out on the peek a boo games, so you can use the time to play hide and seek. You make use of the time simulate the events that will happen but you play them out in a way in which child will feel safe.

And you talk, and let her talk to you, and you read not only books but you tell her all about where you are and the places you visit, this will be invaluable start to her education.

The hope is that you will have a more self assured and confident child, but realise that giving attention is a constant task that last till puberty and then parents are an embarrasment.

I have 4 yr old twins and they do not sleep through the night. We are still working on that, but we have been successful at getting them to fall asleep faster and easier. Do the bedtime routine - bathtime, pj's, storytime...then, I sit quietly in the room and put my hand on the toe of my tougher/more intense kid. If they talk or cry I leave the room then when they stop I go back in. (they rarely cry now) I also stopped allowing them any food or meds with dye in it (which was causing night terrors and hyperactivity). It used to be an ordeal to get them to fall asleep and now it is usually about 10 minutes. Now if I could get them to stay in their beds all night!!!

My Child Won T Sleep

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stick to a normal routine and don't give in when she wants you to stay in her room. next time she gets sick, don't let her stay in your room, changing the routine like that is the problem.

Here is what you need to do to keep her in bed:

1. Go about your bedtime routine, Bath, Potty, PJ's, Story, Kisses goodnight(or whatever you choose to do)

2. Leave her room

3. First time she is up, take her hand, and say "its bedtime sweetie" and place her back in bed and leave the room

4. The Second time she is up, take her hand, and firmly, but not yelling, say, "Its time for bed(or It's bedtime). and place her back in bed.and again leave the room

5. The times after, she is up, take her hand, and lead her right back to bed. Do NOT say anything or show her any attention. She needs to know, its night time, and night time is sleeping time, not time to do anything else

If she screams, or throws a tantrum, let her throw it, or let her scream. She will eventually tire herself out. If you can't stand the yelling or screaming in her room(if she does it), just go to a different room. This may seem cruel, but its not. I let my daughter(who is 5 now, had this prob. at age 2.5) scream her way to sleep. She soon learned, mama's not gonna listen to me when i scream, and when i scream, i get tired, so i guess i should sleep.

Another technique is this:

1. Go about your bedtime routine, Bath, Potty, PJ's, Story, Kisses goodnight(or whatever it is you choose to do)

2. Sit on the floor about 2 inches away from your daughters bed, showing ONLY your profile and having your head down.

3. First time she is up, take her hand, and say "its bedtime sweetie" and place her back in bed and

4. The Second time she is up, take her hand, and firmly, but not yelling, say, "Its time for bed(or It's bedtime). and place her back in bed.

5. The times after, she is up, take her hand, and lead her right back to bed. Do NOT say anything.

6. As soon as she is asleep, leave her room.

7. Do this EVERY night, but every night, get a little bit farther away from her bed until your out the door, and hopefully by then, she'll be sleeping by herself (:

again, If she screams, or throws a tantrum, let her throw it, or let her scream. She will eventually tire herself out.

For her clinging to you:

When you go to a different place then your son, for example when she's at school. You give her something of yours that will "represent" you. Tell her, "mommy is with you. This is mommy's special blanket(for example). Whenever you look at it or hang onto it, you can remember mommy is with you. I will be back for you later." Kiss her and leave. Do NOT stay any longer then is needed. That way, there is no room for her to run and cling to you. If she does hangs on your leg, tell her, "Mommy will be back later." take her off your leg, hand her to the teacher and leave.

If you have to leave her in a room by herself for a minute, here is the technique I call "Separation technique"

1. Do not pick her up if she is crying or whining or asking to picked up. Use eye contact, and come down to HER level.

2. In a calm voice, if She's screaming you tell her "you need to please calm down" or "you need to please stop screaming"

3. If she constantly still clings after, without listening to you, walk away and ignore. She will realize, I'm not getting mommy's attention by crying. If I want mommy to talk to me, or i want to talk to her, I have to listen and not scream

4. Continue until she stops screaming and you can ask her(or tell her) "What do you want to do? Do you want to come help fold laundry with mommy(for example) or do you want to stay here and play? I will be right back." Or "What do you want? Do you want hugs?(again, example)

5. Once she is calm, hug him, and give him love. She is learning, to get hugs from mommy, i have to be calm and use my words to ask.

-If she is screaming and you can't really stand it, go to another room. Otherwise, if she follows you, go to her, say "Mommy can't handle your screaming right now. Mommy needs to take a time-out in her room(or wherever your going)." and then go into the room. Don't let her follow you.

If she kicks or screams at your door, try and get some earplugs that make the sound less loud. Don't buy ones that will DROWN OUT ALL THE SOUND, just plugs that make the volume less loud.

Good luck and hope this helps.