Am I a good writer or people are lying to me?

Question

i'm studying journalism right now but i don't know if i have the skill... 

here's one i called "Detour to Happiness", i'm planning to make it into a novel:

It was dark and cold. Silent, oh so silent.  And suddenly there were lights, bright white lights. And voices soon came after.

"Charlie! Charlie!" A woman cries hysterically.

"Ma'am please settle down," a man silently spoke.

Soon, you see blurry images. Something, no.... someone. Bit by bit the images became clear. A woman was holding your hand, she's crying and screaming something.... a name.

Who's name?

 "Oh my god! My baby! Charlie Wake up, please!

Finally you feel everything. You see everything. You hear everything. The cold air, the people around dressed in white clothes. A screaming woman holding your hand. The beeping sounds behind the background.

And then it hit you...

"Oh ****, i'm still alive"

And those were the word Charlie Mackenzie spoken before she succumbed again to the darkness.

And here's another one called, "Alex"

For some unknown reason, I went to the rooftop of our school that day. I saw her in a simple summer dress and a black crop jacket, staring into the blue sky. She was familiar. Was she was in my class? I tried searching my mind for a name. 

ALEX

"Hey Alex," I said trying to break the silence. She didn't flinch. She continued to stare at the sky. Then I remembered; she wasn't very social with anyone. Knowing that I can never start a conversation, I decided to leave. But suddenly I heard her murmur, "It was me." 

I turned around to her ask what she was talking about but the only thing I saw was her deep green eyes staring at me, a smile plastered on her face; a face that I never notice was beautiful. She pass me by and descended the stairs, I still stood there, frozen. It was not because I was struck by her beauty that I never knew, but it was her expression; a mixture of sadness, happiness and fear. I have never seen anything like that.

i still have a bunch of others here: http://www.wattpad.com/user/ImperfectPrincess

really need your opinions and criticism... thanks :))

? · Accepted Answer

Similar comments to above regarding changes of tense but overall, in terms of an external assessment, I would encourage you to continue as I think this shows a lot of promise.

I can appreciate that sometimes you need a little external validation but I also want to make the point that as far as careers are concerned, I am a firm believer in the idea that you should do whatever you are best at and how good you are compared to other people is neither here nor there. My first career was in computer programming and, while I would rate myself as well above average at this,  there were loads of computer programmers who were better than me at it and against whose work mine could be viewed as flawed. However this is what I was best at so this is what I did. 

If this is what you are best at then stick with it.

? · Answer

The very first thing that jumped out was "silently spoke" which I didn't appreciate. It's okay, but nothing that blows me away. You switch tenses and the writing seems hollow and redundant. You keep saying the same things, usually in the same words. But with time, practice, and classes you'll quickly improve.

Anonymous · Answer

If your taking journalism classes then I am sure you will improve. I think you switched tenses a lot. Like from telling the story in different point of views. You do have good vocabulary though! Just keep working at it, if you love what you do and do what you love then you will become the best writer you can be.

Captain Conundrum · Answer

It's not bad. But the number one tip: do not, ever, believe what family and friends say about your writing. Well meaning lies will not help you...will they. If you are Truly interested in checking out the quality of your work then get onto a good writing site, earn your rep points, then put your work up for appraisal by the members. It works. My suggestion, Absolutewrite.com. Good luck.

Anonymous · Answer

Pretty good, but your grammar leaves a lot to be desired, and you keep mixing up your tenses. (First line, a woman "cries," second line, a man "spoke.")

But you'll only get better with practice. Ask an adult to proofread your work, figure out what you got wrong, and make a habit of paying attention to grammar rules. There's nothing that distracts me from a story more than careless mistakes!

Niblib · Answer

Wow. First, Second and Third Person Point of View. Look up these three things and then try again.

Jessica Haley · Answer

all honesty, I couldn't really follow the first one. But I'm really interested in Alex. I'll be sure to read it if you decide to make it into a novel! :D

dakkota · Answer

:O That's pretty epic! Keep up the good work mate!

Anonymous · Answer

yes,you are

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Am I a good writer or people are lying to me?

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