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I feel horrible and sad an angry at myself?
I had an EA - I am married and so is he - he initiated the affair when he told me he had fallen in love with me. It ended a few weeks ago and I am really, really trying to get past it, but we work together. So today I IM'd him by mistake - I had 5 windows open - and he said, "you just wanted an excuse to IM me" and I said, no not really. And then I just...lost it. I told him I feel dead inside - he had told me he loved me and wanted to be with me. He said he is so sorry and the throught he damaged me makes him ill (how the EA ended was his wife confronting him and he told her). He chose her and their kids. I told him the truth - that he destroyed me. He said he knows and sees I am trying to hold it together but I cannot hide it when I am near him. I was trying so hard to be strong but I feel sick and depressed and so angry. Angry at him at myself for believing in him and what he said and for hurting others (she knows obviously, my husband does not). I told him that I know he will make excuses and lesson/cheapen the EA to move on/get through it with his wife and he got angry and said I have no idea how he feels. What do you think he meant? I don't hold any hope of being with him but I guess it helps me move on if I know I am not the only one hurting...do you think he feel anything or was it all a lie?
I am sorry for what I did and when I say move past this, I am in counseling and in marriage counseling with my husband. It was not a physical affair though I know an EA is maybe even worse. I know I was horrible and I live with it daily and beg forgiveness from God. I never ever thought I would do something like this. My marriage has been bad for a long, long time - a lot of verbal abuse on his part and yes, I shut down. I take full responsibility for my part and what I did, and am trying to save things for his sake, our child and my sake.
I do care how his wife feels. She hates me and I deserve it, absolutely. He told me he had loved me for two years (we have worked together for 3) and totally unbeknownest to me she had told him almost the moment he said he realized he was in love with me to stop being my friend at work because she must have suspected/felt a shift in him - again at that point I had no idea and I asked him if I somehow had ever led him on and he said no - it was his decision/feelings from day 1 to love me. And he told her that I was only a friend. I had no clue he felt more and they fought over it until he told me 3 months ago. The EA lasted 8 weeks. So anyway, when he told me some of this I told him he should work it out with her and not love me but he said he could not help his feelings and he did love me.
As for my husband I know I suck. I do care - I want for his happiness. I have begged him - BEGGED HIM - for years to go to counseling and he said I was the one with the problem so too bad. When I fin
5 Answers
- 10 years agoFavorite Answer
Of course I'm only hearing one side, but it sounds like an affair. Whether he feels anything or not is irrelevant. I don't think he had any intentions of leaving his wife and kids. He was thinking with the wrong head ... if you know what I mean. I'm sorry to tell you, but he's probably done this before. Just a guess. I know it must hurt terribly.
I would suggest you using this as a wake-up call to fix your marriage. Sounds like you need someone -- a close friend? -- to talk to. Your friends know you best. But if your husband doesn't know you two have a problem, how can you two work on it?
- 10 years ago
Look, I don't know what your situation at home with you and your husband is. But oughtn't you be more concerned with how your HUSBAND feels? Shouldn't you be more concerned that you're betraying you promises you made to him?
You need to get a new job ASAP, or at least ask to be transferred to a different location where you will not have an excuse to interact with him.
Also, let me say that your taste in men is horrible.
If this man was such a great catch he'd be more interested in solving his problems in his own marriage, not looking outside his marriage for other women to stroke his ego. Stop being so desperate for attention. Remember affection and attention does NOT equal LOVE.
Face it you're both USING each other for the most selfish of reasons.
- BodhiLv 610 years ago
Do you even care about your husband at all?
Do you even care about how this other guy's wife feels?
And regarding this guy...he destroyed you? He damaged you? It takes two to tango sweetheart.
It's good that you're angry at yourself. You've been totally self absorbed. Now learn the lesson and move on. You are really in serious debt to your husband right now.
EDIT- So you didn't get naked with this guy? OK, now you're making mountains out of molehills. Just laugh it off, we all get stupid sometimes. No harm no foul, go grab your hubby and have some good times. You just did a bit of growing up, that's all. Just try to remember that no one is perfect and when you hubby does something stupid at some time in the future, remember your own faux paw and be understanding.
Life is too short to wallow around in guilt over emotions and feelings. Guilt comes when you act on those feelings. You're making too much out of this. Go hug your hubby and make your life better.
- ?Lv 610 years ago
This is all about you. Not one mention of how this would make your husband feel, not one mention that you feel angry or sad about what you did to your HUSBAND. Just sad that you feel dead inside that your f*ck buddy doesn't really love you and went back to his wife.
Tell your husband, separate and be single. You were/are not ready for marriage.
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- Anonymous10 years ago
How do you think your husband would feel if he knew you were such a lying, cheating, filty wh0re?
