please help me - please don't judge me...?

Things of this sort go on in businesses every day. I worked at a place for 20 yrs. & knew there were certain married men who had sex rite in their offices with the doors closed & locked! We ALL knew what was going on, people talked, but it still went on. A couple men had affairs that lasted literally yrs. I can well imagine how you feel as I believe you truly did care for one another & it just wasn't a "fling". That dear word time WILL take care of it for you, that I do KNOW for sure. Do go to counseling with your husband as counseling does help, it helped me many times. Just KNOW you will get over it & things will be OK in "time"...the best to you, Honey...:)

No judgment, but you are reaping what you sowed. It's very painful but you created a situation that makes you feel similar to a drug addict breaking his addiction to the drug. Your heart is breaking and it's very painful but you need to wean yourself off of this man. The hardest thing here is to understand that what the two of you had was not real. (I know you believe it was and I know you think that no one else understands what you're going through.) There are many who do. You are in lust not love. Yes there is a difference you just don't realize it yet. What you need is something referred to in the cheating world as NO CONTACT. Any time you feed your memory of him, see him, talk to him, walk down memory lane, read old correspondence, etc. you move backwards in the healing process. HE is sorry for getting you into this situation and for lying to you about how he felt when the fact is that he truly cares about his wife and never has any intentions of leaving her. He wants his marriage not you and he's not risking it again. On his behalf in the affair process men often get carried away by the feelings as well. You need to understand that biologically affairs cause your body to produce "feel good" chemicals that are nature's trickery to make humans procreate. These chemicals give you a high and make you feel incredibly lustful and peaceful. That's the feeling you are missing and attributing to love. It will take time to come off the high. It will take strength to do the right thing. You are lucky your husband hasn't found out yet. Your crazed emotions are going to be a red flag. You are going to lose everything if you don't get smart real soon.

Do you understand that you did not go into this affair for sex?

You went into the affair for the NEEDS VALIDATION you are too immature to provide on your own!

As the very typical female, your life question is : "Am I the beauty?" ("Captivating" by S. Eldredge)

Everything you do surrounds this question. Are you indeed the beauty? Are you WORTHY to even be loved by another?

You cannot answer this question on your own. You NEED others to answer that question for you. You are a child! You still feel the need to be PURSUED by the man to know that you are the beauty! THis is why you rejected your own husband. He stopped pursuing you! DAH! Isn't this the very nature of marriage? Your husband now HAS you. He doesn't need to pursue you anymore.

But you, like SOOOOOO many women (married women) cry out that their husband does not "romance" them anymore. Oh, boo hoo!

You do not even know what "marriage" even means. The pursuit is supposed to stop along with all the bulsit games! But you can't do this! That's why you went into the world to find someone / anyone that can still VALIDATE you as the beauty!

What do you want to "try with your husband"? This is NOT about your husband. It's about YOU! You don't have a clue what love means. You don't have a clue what faithful means. You really don't have a clue about much of anything. You proved it in a cheating character.

Bad timing? You're joking? You're grasping at straws to try and VALIDATE your own actions like they were something good to be had. You cheat on your own husband because you see him as NOT being able to provide what you want. In many ways, this is the truth. Guess what?

You're not supposed to be going into marriage to GET what you want! You're supposed to go into marriage to PROVE a totally selfless nature.

Go back and reread your own vows. There is NOTHING in there that says that you will take! Marriage vows are all about what one will GIVE to the other!

Your whole purpose is to see what you can take!

Get a clue.

Because the two of you work in the same location then (and this is just me), I would find a new job. It will be a whole lot easier to get over this if you're not constantly in sight of each other. Try not to be shouldering all of the responsibility on to just yourself either. It takes two, so it was of equal responsibility.. Time.. time heals so much. and I mean that from experience. A new job. a new environment. some time to be you and to think about your life and your future and you will be able to move on. you will. Have faith in yourself and faith in knowing that even though it was not the greatest choice, you learned from it and it in turn you grew from it with that knowing . I would find a new job and get a new outlook on life and move on. GOod luck to you.

craig b couldnt have said it better. harsh,, but facts!