i think im mentally ill ?

honestly its a long story , im 16 going to be 17 years old most of my life ive been alone meaning

im adopted and my adoptive parents are my grandma n grandpa so im very blessed , but i grew up by myself no kids around at home no lil bros or sisters and i was mainly the type of kid to try to get attention even though i never got it , i don't know really it never really phased me until now , that im a teen and have alot of pressure on me and things i wish i could talk about but really can't because i have nobody to talk them out to if i talk to my grandma she really doesn't listen all she says is shh go to ur room or go watch tv , my grandpa is always sleeping i understand there old n whatever but still i get very lonely my aunts who also live here well.. don't like me at all but i won't get into detail with that , i have no best friend , im home schooled and i cry every night to be truthful even though i was adopted my childhood still wasn't all that great though. i have a boyfriend though we been together for 2 years but i can't talk to him because when i try well he only wants to shut me up instead he'll say ok ok , or hell kiss me n say shh , i really don't talk alot Honest , its even worse because we fight alot more then a normal couple would actually its not healthy at all so when im upset i have to calm myself down and try to just take medicine to make me fall asleep i will admit i yell alot i have alot of anger , people all my life in my family at school too all they have done is yell at me in my face my grandma grandpa the worst aunts teachers and always put my down no matter what i do im not trying ot feel sorry for my self or anything i just really have gotten to the point where i cannot take it anymore i cry all the time sometimes i feel talking to myself but won't because i refuse to get to that point , so today me n my boyfriend starting fighting like actually fighting hitting and all that stuff but we were only laying like wrestling and stuff he got mad because of a really silly reason he wanted to draw on my face but i said no he said its no boring and i said ill draw oboringrs he says no marker is hard to get off i really got upset n that lead to me torchuring him i love him but we bothaven't't been fair teach otherer i get angry alot at him i try to control it but from so many people putting me down including him isn't helping i don't know what to do i really neecounselingng or somebody to talk to about this honestlyly have nobody and that wasn't even the bad stuff to say the truth theres me hitting him , me fighting my aunt, people calling me a slut n a hoe even my bf says that and i only ever been with him i swear , and a whole bunch of stuff i wish i could explain but its impossible i wanna give up n just start drinking n doing drugs to knumb everything idgaf anymore seriously ive had it i don't even know why im othisus stupid thing now i really feelonelyeGRrr idk please anyone help i need numbers to a shrink or something anything please im literally crying my eyes out right now **** sucks so bad honestlyly wish i could tell u everything that happened but i would gein troublele or somebody would go to jail because its so bad please help me : (((