My fiance's sister is upset she's not in the wedding party but people who aren't family are?

She will just have to get over it. You didn't do anything wrong, so don't apologize and leave well enough alone. If everyone refuses to attend because of her behaviour, then so be it. Don't fall for emotional blackmail.

PS: A three year old is not too big to be a flower girl. While it's nice to consider her feelings, you're the parent, you make the decisions. You're starting a precedent that your daughter is the boss and this will only spell trouble in the future.

Someone has to take Emily into the back alley and knock her two front teeth out!!

That girl is a drama queen and she is conducting a puppet show by pulling everyone's strings.

Your fiance needs to sit that little brat down and have a talk with her. She is deliberately trying to get her way by using emotional blackmail. How dare she. Does she really expect to bully her way into your bridal party? If you allow this to happen, you are making a HUGE mistake and giving this little witch power to destroy your wedding planning. This current drama she is causing from a distance, just imagine what it would be like if she were part of your immediate entourage. OH NO.

You husband should meet with each individual boycotter. He needs to let them all know that you have selected your bridal attendants and Emily is not included because she is not close to you. He needs to tell everyone that he would like them to attend the wedding, as planned, but if they decide to take sides and use emotional blackmail, that is their prerogative and he will certainly miss them on his wedding day. END OF STORY. EMILY LOSES.

The correct answer is nobody is entitled to be in anyone's wedding but...

As a two time sister of the groom I can see where she is coming from. Her feelings are hurt and she is feeling left out. She is also feeling that you believe your friends or family are more important than she or her family are, regardless of whether or not this is true.

Though you specifically are not close to her, that doesn't mean your fiance isn't. I've never been one for the bride chooses all the bridesmaids and the groom chooses all the groomsmen and ushers. My husband and I picked our whole wedding party together. Some of the bridesmaids were choices of his and some of the groomsmen were choices of mine. I'm not close to his sisters, but he is and it was important to him to have his sisters be a part of his wedding and quite honestly, I never considered not having them. Just like when my brothers got married I wasn't close to either of their wives but I am with them, with that they both also wanted me in their wedding (my brothers, not their wives).

As you are already finding out not having her is causing more problems then it is going to solve. At the wedding your grooms family and guests will notice she is not part of the wedding party and will wonder why, you will be the person who looks like the bad guy, regardless of that not being true. For his family its going send the message you think yours is more important than his. I was in one of my brothers' weddings, and the other one I was not, more people noticed the one I wasn't in then noticed the one I was in, and they wondered why, and the answer to that question was simple: because the bride didn't want me to be.

In short with the rest of the family reaction (non-attendance) its causing hard feelings where there really doesn't need to be any.

I stand to be corrected on this... but bridesmaids as well as the groomsmen are not picked to represent the families... they are chosen to assist either the bride or the groom on the big day and the days leading up to it... may it be the stag/hen party or any role in the planning of the wedding etc

For that reason it is normal to pick people who are close, trusted etc Its personal to you, they are not there to simply represent either of the families involved as such.

If you were friends with your partners sister then I would understand her point but the fact that you say she doesn't want to anything to do with yourself... your point stands, she doesn't need to be there as a bridesmaid and the fact she is your partners sister is irrelevant.

Emily is acting like an eight year old. Don't let your brother's wife to step down. No one should be enabling Emily's childish behavior.

This is a problem for your fiance to handle. He is to keep his family in line, just like you would be responsible for keeping your family in line. Tell your fiance he needs to get his sister off your back. It's his job to stand up for his wife and protect her from outside crap.

You're right, giving into her would let her know that she can act so childishly and irresponsible and it's ok. You don't want to send that message. If it were me I would put my foot down; enough is enough after a while. Explain that it IS YOUR WEDDING not hers or anyone else's and it's meant to be YOUR day, not theirs. If you want to have everyone dressed up in thuggish street clothes that's your choice and what would make you happy, same as not having her in it :D Tell her when it's her wedding she can pick who she wants and to just drop it. I'm not saying to scream and yell but be firm. Enough is enough.

Emily sounds dramatic. But if it was me, I'd just try to get to know her and re-invite her. Talk to her about it and explain how you wanted it small and how you never got to know her (Which isn't completely your fault - it's hers too.) She will understand if she has any sense at all!

At this point it is too late to give in to her BUT I think you messed up big time by not asking her in the first place. She is your daughter's aunt. Have him apologize, tell her you didn't think it was a big deal because you wanted a small wedding party and that if she really wants to miss the wedding over it, that it only supports why you didn't ask her in the first place.

it is you and your fiance's day so do not let any one dictate who does what,where or when if they do not come to the wedding that is their problem not yours,do not let it spoil your day.

good luck and happiness for the future.

This is not your problem, it's hers. I understand her hurt feelings, but honestly, they should be directed at her brother, not you. You are right to ignore her childish behavior, and anyone else who indulges it.