Husband has a child with ex but doesnt want one with me. Advice?

Please don't take this as me putting words in your mouth, but let me explain what this sounds like in the way that you've described it. That way, you can add more detail or think about your thoughts and see what you're actually trying to say.

It sounds like you're wanting a bond with him through having your own child to raise with him, and that you're a bit jealous he has this bond with another person. It's not just about having child of YOUR own, but the fact that he has something with someone else that he doesn't want to share with you. It sounds like you see it as him withholding a piece of himself from you (the literal and figurative pieces needed to create another uniquely you-and-him human being), when he probably only sees it as "I don't want to start over with another small child when I've already gotten past that part of parenting."

In other words, you're probably both thinking about this on separate wavelengths. He's thinking about what it means to be a parent, to take care of a baby, and the extra years he would have to invest in having a child living at home. You're thinking about how you don't feel that you have your own child, your own piece of him, and your own experiences with raising a baby. You can't understand that he's not rejecting you as the mother of his child, but rather that he's simply feeling a bit too old to be dad to a baby again. He can't understand that you don't feel like you've had the chance to be a parent since his daughter is not really YOURS. Is this a fair synopsis or not? I'm just saying, that's how it sounds to me, that you two are not thinking about this in the same light, so you can't talk about it in the same light.

The two of you would probably benefit from a more open discussion about your motives and feelings rather than simply about the logistics of raising another child. You need to explain exactly why you want another child and how his refusal makes you feel. Whether your emotions are fully justified or not, he needs to know what they are and why they exist. And vice versa.

Good luck discussing this with him. Best wishes!

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When people have children, they know that at some point there will be a time when they will have more free time, to do what they like, when the kids have grown to a point they don't need constant attendance. That point has come for your husband already, he isn't the main caregiver for his daughter and is enjoying the time with you, because he knows how much hard work it is having a child.

Did you know he didn't want children with you when you married? This seems like a big oversight. Tell him you want a family with him, that you'd like him to think about it because it means so much to you. If he says no then, you'll need to decide if you're willing to sacrifice your chance of having children for your marriage.

He's being honest about not wanting to be a parent again. He's right that it takes a great deal of sacrifice and he know he doesn't want that for himself in life at this point. He actually has had the experience and understands what would be required of him, you don't. Either choose to be childless with him or move on and find someone who shares your family goals.

Maybe he thinks that his daughter with his ex would be uncomfortable with her dad concieving with someone other than her mother. I know I was.

Also, if he spoils his daughter there could be a lot of conflict between her and your child if you have one, the truth is, you cant get everything you want in life im afraid :/

If you DESPERATELY want kids, then id suggest either convincing him, or finding someone else? or you can just not have kids, and treat his daughter as your own.

He wants to live life & have fun. He's already done the kid thing, & he's getting old. He's ready for the comfortable life. If he decides to have a child with u, he will resent u bc he's having to sacrifice his wants & desires. It's nothing against u, he just doesn't want anymore children.

If your need to be a mother is that strong, find another man. U guys should have discussed this topic long ago.

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Did you not talk about this before you got married? I understand both sides but you should have talked about whether or not he wanted more kids and that you did want kids. If you feel that strongly about it then maybe you are with the wrong person.

You should have figured this out before you married him. Bringing it up now, is your fault.

If he doesn't want one, and you insist, and you two end up having one, only the child will suffer. Being selfish won't work here.

This is heartbreaking as it has happened to me too. It ended in a divorce.. I honestly just had to find someone else who wanted a child. The sad thing is we had that talk and the guy just decided to change his mind.