mother in laws & daughter in law relationship rocky?

I need some sincere advice about this so please dont comment unless u really want to help.

I want to start out by saying, my mother in law & I have never had that connection like some do, but until recently we communicated a little & had a small relationship growing until we talking about getting married.

My husband & I live with our mother in law because we cannot afford to pay rent right now cause of current debt which we are working hard at to pay off. But it seems like she holds this against us to gain power over her son. From time to time shes a little demanding to him. She will say stuff like, " my son doesnt know it but he is gonna help me move this stuff in the building." or if she decides to have a get together, she automatically assumes he has to be home to prepare for it, which alot of times puts our plans out because we know she will stub up if we tell her no. She doesnt respect his privacy either. She checks his phone if he leaves it laying around to see what weve texted each other & if we confront her, she blows up & says " I pay the bill, if I want to look at it I will."

She even had to have the TALK with him when she found out we were getting married. She asked him what he disliked about me? And Whether he was sure he wanted to marry me? I tried to ask her why she asked him those things & she blew up cause my husband shared THEIR private discussion & told me we were absolutely not ready to get married.

Another problem is, she always goes to her daughter when something upsets her. Because of this I got blessed out by her daughter, i got called lazy & how I never do anything around the house & how I have a bad attitude towards her. This is way to dramatic cause I do help around the house ( could I help more, yes, but her son doesnt do any cleaning, but that doesnt seem to be an issue to her.) Her daughter repeated alot of things her mom had complained about, & some of which I had absolutly NO IDEAL how she come up with. Needless to say, after that her daughter & my relationship changed. We used to have fun together & have alot in common, but now she barely talks to me because she thinks I disrespected her mom.

I try to talk to my husband about it but he gets mad & says, " what am I supposed to do about it, we live in her house & depend on her." Which is true & I know he gets irritated about getting stuck in the middle & I know how she reacts when we try to talk to her, so thats not an option for him right now. But this is really starting to effect our marriage & thats a problem. I try my best not to overreact but its hard when you walk around on egg shells where you live. Its also hard that I cant get done what I need to do because shes cleaning & I have to help her to avoid being talked about later. I tate that I have to watch everything that I say, because I feel like she will use it against me later.

So far my mother in law has got involved in our finance by asking us where our money goes? & she has also checked my husbands bank account.

She has questioned my ability to be a good pet owner.Which makes me wonder if she would question my parenting later on.

She has called me lazy & has said I had trust issues.

She has questioned my beliefs & well as my sexual beliefs.

And she has doubted our ability to have a successful marriage.

I absolutly have no idea what to do anymore. I have tried being patient, doing things with her.I have tried giving them their space. I have tried getting to know each other better, I have tried talking about my concerns. I am married & feel like the second priority in his life, and I believe the only time I should be second in his life is when we have a child. I understand his mom will always be a priority, shes family, she raised him but I do not feel like she should over run everything or interrupt my role as a wife. And when I say family I do not feel like its right that I feel shunned or an outsider.

Can somebody please help me? Or give me some advice?