should i just let my 1 year old son cry himself to sleep?

Babies cry. They cry to let us know that they need something. And when we don’t respond to those cries, it causes them undue amounts of stress. Science has shown that stress in infancy can result in enduring negative impacts on the brain. Prolonged cries in infants causes increased blood pressure in the brain, elevates stress hormones, obstructs blood from draining out of the brain, and decreases oxygenation to the brain. Excessive crying results in an oversensitive stress system, that can lead to a fear of being alone, separation anxiety, panic attacks and addictions. Harvard researchers found that it makes them more susceptible to stress as adults and changes the nervous system so that they are overly sensitive to future trauma. Chronic stress in infancy can also lead to an over-active adrenaline system, which results in the child using increased aggression, impulsivity, and violence. Another study showed that persistent crying episodes in infancy led to a 10 times greater chance of the child having ADHD, resulting in poor school performance and antisocial behaviour. However, if you consistently soothe your child’s distress and take any anguished crying seriously, highly effective stress response systems are established in the brain that allow your child to cope with stress later in life.

At an American Academy of Pediatrics meeting, infant developmental specialist Dr. Michael Lewis presented research findings demonstrating that “the single most important influence of a child’s intellectual development is the responsiveness of the mother to the cues of her baby.” More specifically, other studies have found that babies whose cries are ignored do not develop healthy intellectual and social skills, that they have an average IQ 9 points lower at age 5, they show poor fine motor development, show more difficulty controlling their emotions, and take longer to become independent as children (stay clingy for longer).

So-called sleep trainers will tell you that after a certain age, babies do not have any more needs at night. Some claim this is after a few short weeks, others after a few months, others after a year. Regardless of the age that is assigned to that message, to me it seems wrong. I’m an adult and yet there are days when I need someone else to comfort me. If I’ve had a really stressful week at work, if I’ve had a fight with someone that is important to me, if I’ve lost a loved one, then I need to be comforted. But how would I feel and what would it do to our relationship if my husband closed the door and walked out of the room and let me “cry it out” myself? I’m an adult and yet there are nights when I am so parched that I need a glass of water or I am so hungry that I need a snack. I’m not going to die if those needs are not met, but I am going to physically uncomfortable and unable to sleep soundly. If I were to let my child CIO, it would be like saying that his needs are not important and that to me is disrespectful. To quote Dr. William Sears on the sleep trainers, “Parents let me caution you. Difficult problems in child rearing do not have easy answers. Children are too valuable and their needs too important to be made victims of cheap, shallow advice“.

I am a little shocked. He is still a baby. It's a little early to "make a man out of him" don't you think?One year olds have commonly have a lot of fears, now that their world is opening up so rapidly. My oldest developed a unreasonable fear of water at that age, baths were out of the question. So we took showers together. I think she must've got some water up her nose! ( Do some serious thinking about why he might be crying. Is he feeling safe and secure? Is he teething? Did he have a hard day (learning all that new stuff) Do you work? Aren't home a lot? Could he be afraid you'll be gone if he closes his eyes? Figure out what's going on for him. Try reading "What to Expect, the Toddler Years." All the 19th century stuff about letting him cry forever makes everyone unhappy. Nobody ever said kids are easy, right?

I would definitely advice you to go ahead and give him his own space. I spoiled my son by being there every night and of course it makes you feel good but at the end it will be your biggest torture. My son is 6yrs old and still has that custom of having me there beside him. I've tried leaving the door wide open so he could see that I'm still there and leave a nightlight too but it gets more difficult every time. It's my fault for not having done something when he was younger because he would have seen it as his routine but now the poor thing does not fall asleep unless I tuck him in. A mommy always needs her alone time after kids are in bed and at times I don't even get that.....pls train him now and save yourself problems for later. good luck :)

This may not answer your question in the right way. How about getting a projector to keep his attention? There are a lot of products available at Babies R Us or online. These projectors play peaceful images. They can also play music and a mother's heartbeat.

My 19 month old loves his blankets! Both were made by grandma. He associates the softness to sleeping and actually loves going to bed.

We also have a nightlight so he isn't afraid of the dark..

It's nice being loved and needed. But, it's hard when they can't live without you, isn't it?

Do what you feel is best. Its not spoiling im, its showing that you are there when he is scared. best thing to do is to stay with him till he is deep asleep then leave. and soon after leave him by himself. I did that with my daughter and she sleeps alone, not always yet because she is just getting use to it but if he gets scared at night just do the same thing. he'll learn sooner or later, just dont rush it. Good luck

I'd try pulling a chair up to his bed to sit by him until he falls asleep, and moving the chair further away every night.

Gets him used to sleeping on his own, plus it'd be easier to sneak out without waking him up.

I did that with my son just before he turned one. It was the best thing for my sanity (I was just going back to work and couldn't imagine waking so much at night). I started leaving him for 5 mintues to cry, then I would go in, put my hand on him (I wouldn't lift him up or talk to him, just put my hand on him). He would usually calm down. I would leave after about 2 minutes of calming him down... then I would go back out and if he started up again, then I would wait 10 minutes this time, before going in. I would go in and do the same thing (no talking, lifting only hand on him and pretend I was sleeping, by placing my head down on the side of the crib). He would calm down and I would leave... if he started up again, I would wait 15 minutes before going in. I would never wait more than 15 mintues to go in but usually he wouldn't continue to cry after 15 minutes anyway. It didn't take too long.

Another good thing to do is get your husband to go in when your baby is crying. My son gets more worked up if I go in but less so when my husband attends to him. I think my son thinks he'll get milk whenever I go it (I still breastfeed).

Good luck! Stick to your guns, it will work. I know it's hard but if you're not gettin gmuch sleep, you need to do something for your sanity!

You should let him soothe himself back to sleep.

It makes for happier children. You think that by coming to his every call you would make a happy child, but you don't. You make one that doesn't sleep well so is chronically tired, and who can't function on their own so are always scared. It does spoil them, in that it gives them bad dispositions. Kids who soothe early are happier, in part because they are better rested, but also because they are self reliant, which gives them inner strength.

That would be pure evil if you do that. Why don't you buy him a huge stuff toy and then talk him into hugging "it" to sleep. And in matter of time he wouldn't need you. After that when you want him to leave the habit of hugging the stuff toy to sleep, you could just throw it away or hide it somewhere and let him hug a pillow to sleep. That wouldn't be a bad thing because i am 21 and i still hug a pillow. ;)

put him to bed and when he cries go in there w/o talking, or picking him up. rub his back and leave again, to assure him your there. let him cry for a lil while 10mins, take a breather.. if hes still crying, then go rub his back again .