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This is my first non-blog writing attempt for anything football. What do you think?

http://thefootballasylum.com/featured/chelsea-3-5-...

Suggestions for improvement are welcome.

Update:

? (is that really your username, newcastle fan? nice one :P)

I want to remove bias from my articles for other sites, it's fair criticism and I will take it on board. Bias is alright for my personal blog (because I don't particularly intend to hide bias there :P) but I don't want much of it elsewhere.

I am Indian, and I read Gary neville calling the match a humdinger in his column for the Daily Mail. I've seen other British writers use the term so I thought it was a Brit thing. Sorry if it isn't.

Bias and informality you say? Fair enough. I shall try my best to remove that. Cheers, thanks :)

4 Answers

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    It's not bad mate, not bad at all, but, if i may, i can see some faults, for example, the headline didn't particularly grab me, i felt like 'oh look, another review of the match, i've read four of these already'. There was nothing to suggest it would be any different.

    Then there was the choice of words, humdinger? I have never, nor ever heard, someone use that word in this country. I would have said 'screamer' or 'scorcher' was far more suited to 'Old Blighty'.

    I think it is informal 'neither team looked more extraordinary to be honest', to be honest is informal, something you'd say to a mate. And 'Amazing attacking, or poor defending, i do not know' - Again, informal, instead of 'i do not know', something like 'Is unclear' would have been more suited.

    And there is a clear bias toward Chelsea, but that can't be helped haha.

    But, good work, keep it up. You can take what i've said on board, or blow it out, up to you.

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    'And, as I mentioned before, defending. Chelsea have been poor at it since day one of the league season, and that is the first thing he must fix.'

    Who's he?

    Good post though, enjoyed reading it.

  • 10 years ago

    Write even more about how the cheap and nasty Chelsea got hammered by the mighty Arsenal.

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    GO CHELSEA!!!!!

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