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Mother-in-law issues, please help?
I have a long-term relationship with my mother-in-law. In fact, we used to have a very close relationship. However, as soon as I got pregnant with our daughter she has been driving me CRAZY!!! Before we even had a baby, she bought a book of baby names for herself, plus a newborn bath tub and a crib. Now that our toddler is 17 months, she is in our lives constantly. She is always telling me how to raise her, how to dress her, what kind of music I should be exposing her to etc. She has a key to our house and she lets herself in our house whether or not I answer the bell. She buys her presents we tell her we want to buy her. She feeds her all kinds of junk food and laughs about it (I try to teach my daughter to eat healthy).... Its making me want to be nowhere near her. I cringe when I see her name on caller ID. I ALWAYS ask my own mother first before asking her to babysit. I am shutting her out because I haven't got the balls to tell her to back off a little. I believe strongly that it takes a village to raise a child and would NEVER stand in the way of a granddaughter and grandmother, but she drives me mental!!!! How do I cope with her? What do I say to her? How can I assert myself without damaging our relationship? Please help!!!
2 Answers
- Serene ELv 710 years ago
sigh........dear, you have to be adult about this.
As the parents, you and your husband are allowed to put any limits you want on the care of your child. You tell her if she feeds your child crap again, she won't be staying with her. After she apologizes for doing it, cuz she will do it, then you let her stay with her. She can SUGGEST anything she wants, doesn't mean you have to do it. You can say, "Hmm. I'll think about it. Thanks for the advice"
You change the locks on the doors and when she asks for a key you tell her you'll have to get another one made and you never do. She'll get the message.
You don't have to get angry, freak out, have a big confrontation to get your way on everything. USe tact, lay down the law when you have to.
- 10 years ago
Unfortunately you in a no win situation. But you need to politely tell her that you need time to yourself and child. Apologize if necessary but be firm. This is your life and your baby. You dont want to regret not saying anything and look back upon this and say I should have done something. This is a special time in your life and it should not be infringed upon by anyone outside your immediate family. If she doesnt understand this she is being completely unreasonable. She needs to back off and give you some space and a chance to bond with your child. Tell her straight out. also, you didn't mention your husband. He should really step up and straighten this mess out for you.
