Oh sweet bejesus, help me out?

I held in my poop yesterday and earlier today and had a strong urge to go so I decided to try, BUT my poop is soooo big it won't come out. It hurts like hell. I sat on the toilet for atleast 2 hours today. I can't even sleep it hurts so bad. I stuck some handsoap on a paper towel up my ***, and I know I got it in because me but hole burned, but the poop was still too big for me to **** it out. I need to break it up and turn it into diarrhea to make it come out. What is better to use, some dulcolax, I'll take 3 to make sure I diarrhea OR an enema bottle thingy? Now. How long will it take to poop if i take 3 laxatives because I have class in like 5 hours and have to go to a land far away to use it because I don't want to clog my toilet again....