How do I deal with my "sister in law" from hell? ...long story to read.?

It's really tough when toxic relationships exist in your own family. Esp someone like this - your men are brothers.

I've had similar relationships. Here's what I've done that seems to have worked:

DOn't have any personal conversations with her.

Keep all conversations with her brief and extremely formal and polite. Yes, it will seem cold - but ice is appropriate treatment against toxins.

If she asks personal questions, respond with brief non-answers. "how was your vacation?" "Fine, thanks"

In my situation, I was friendly with others, animated and conversed freely. With Toxica, I toned down all facial expressions and body language - The way you might in an interview.

The sad thing is - your children are cousins. First cousins at that! It could be difficult for you to trust your child in her home and vice versa.

It also depends on how people around you are handling this tension. The bad blood between you can't have escaped people by now. It's a good sign if no-one comes carrying tales. Don't tell other people anything about her.

DOn't let other people tell you what she's saying about you. How does it help you to know?

If people want to know your story - You are, of course, the only expert. Your boyfriend is a 2ndary.

She has zero knowledge of your story. Anyone who chooses to believe what she says about you is either too stupid to understand that - or they're purposely fanning the flames of that drama for their own entertainment. Either way, those behaviours are toxic. Those people need to either drop that habit or those friendships should be reevaluated.

You may feel the urge to counter her every negative claim. It can feel like someone is stealing your story when they poison mouth you to others.

You're doing what you need to do in your life. If she and others have a negative opinion of that, tough. Aside from that - the best counter you'll have is the fact that she'll wind up talking crap because she'll have too little real info about your life to do otherwise. The noose she hangs herself with will be your best defense.

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How do I deal with my "sister in law" from hell? ...long story to read.?

This is going to be a little long...but I would really like some advice from some people who have to the time to read and respond...

When I say sister in law, I really mean my boyfriend's brother's new wife...married just May 2010. Okay, let me start by saying that my boyfriend and I...

I would get together any important paperwork, birth certs, drivers license, bank records etc...Get into contact with a safe house. You'll have to leave your stuff but it's Worth it. Bring some clothes medication and what's important. If you have a trusted friend have them take care of other belongings that you may want or need. I stayed in a safe house with my son for 10 months. Got a divorce and my ex husband is not able to have any visits with my son. Ever!!!!! His rights were taken away. Because of all the terrible things he has done to me and my son. Mom shouldn't worry about a boy friend right now. Her safety and the kids are what she needs to FOCUS on. There are safe house all over the country. Make sure that you have transportation of some sort. It will be hard but you can do it. Good Luck>>

Are you sure it isn't you that has the problem.

For example this was said in a bitchy manner

"Tara and Mark became pregnant, and so did I about 2 months after her...but she didn't let everyone know until she was already about 3 months in...right when me and my boyfriend were about to tell the family about our baby."

Did you know they did the correct thing? If you read into it, 25% of pregnancies will miscarry and if there is going to be a miscarriadge it is 90% likely to happen in the first 3 months. So the medical experts advise dont tell anyone for the first 3 months to be sure you are out of the danger zone. Yet you make it sound she only did it too upset you - who was rushing to tell everyone as soon as the test confirmed it was positive.

Not sure how many more issues you are over exaggerating due to insecurities or something. The only other incident I read was you eavesdropped on a conversation she had with her friends. Everything else is brushed over with "I let a bunch of incidents roll off my shoulder" - I mean if they were as bad as the first 2 - ie they did the right thing and you basically listened in on a personal conversation, I fail to see any problem.

Except ofcourse you did dob her husband in to the parents when he was having a quite smoke, not in the vicinity of his child, and not harming anyone..

Lol - Grow a womb? I have kids and my wife and I decided when to make it open knowledge and it was about 3 months. See - we made the decision as a family and I got a say. But I guess you feel having a womb entitles you to dictate and control your partners life and everyone around you.

And also I don't see anywhere where "smoking pot with me in their home could have ruined mine and my friend's career" that you smoked pot with them. If some random dude lights up a joint in his house when I am around, but I dont take part, I am unsure how I could lose my job - and from your lack of maturity I am guessing you yourself are not in any position of authority where it is your duty to arrest him on the spot. Stop making a drama.

Ignore her when you can, and kill her with kindness when you can't. I think it's pretty clear to the family who the troublemaker is, so I don't think you have to worry about the family turning against you. Then just don't deal with her.

Everyone has their opinions on child care and what's right and wrong. You two, on the face, just disagree. Therefore, like religion and politics, just don't bring it up. She'll try to do it, but you can take the high road and just ignore it or put an end to it. "I appreciate your insight and I'll give it the attention it deserves." All she has are words, and while they don't feel good to hear, that's all they are. Give them no attention (unless she comes up with something serious, like you're abusive or something -- then put a stop to it asap).

I had to chuckle at the part about pot smoking. One of our good friends is a federal agent, and I SO wish we were there for you at that time, lol.

I got about 3 sentences in and fell asleep...

Maybe if you didn't talk so much people would like you...

I can not believe I actually read all of this.