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My girlfriend is saying b/c she is a Christian she can't do anything physical. Is this actually true?
I've been dating this girl for the last two months and things have been great. She is a little more uptight or conservative than the girls I usually date but she is really nice and I like her a lot. I assumed she wanted to take things slow b/c she wasn't really being overly flirty or physical. We held hands and just talked for the first couple dates. On the third date I kissed her but she didn't really kiss me back but she told me she likes me and wanted to see me again. On the next date we kissed again and she was into it a little bit more but I could tell she was hesitant. At this point I figured she was just inexperienced so I should be a little careful on proceeding. I know she likes me though and she asked me if we could become official after the date so...
We hung out at my place this week and we were watching a movie and making out a little bit and I tried to feel her up and she was not too receptive. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that if we have already gone to far and that we should hold off on physical things until marriage. I initially thought she was joking but apparently she is serious. Basically even kissing is sinful to her (but we have done that so....) and things like oral and actual sex are out of bounds. I told her I have to think things over and she said ok but its not that I don't like you its just the rules. I did some research and in her faith (Roman Catholic) fornication is a serious sin - but this is only vaginal sex (right?). I am pretty sure if we continue dating eventually we will have sex but I'm not sure if I want to wait that long and if it would be right to do it if she is so hesitant. She does really like me though b/c she has texted me constantly even after I told her I want to think things over.
Is she being honest or is she misinformed regarding physical acts before marriage AND do you think I should still date her even knowing she doesn't want to have sex prior to marriage?
Sex before marriage. That means we could still do other stuff right? Like oral, fingering, anal (?) I could work with that. And I really do like her so I am willing to wait a little for sex but its already been a while with nothing.
26 Answers
- MikeLv 510 years agoFavorite Answer
It is true.
"I did some research and in her faith (Roman Catholic) fornication is a serious sin - but this is only vaginal sex (right?)."
No anything sexual outside of marriage. Oral, anal, manual you name it.
"I am pretty sure if we continue dating eventually we will have sex..."
I think you are right. Soi if you don't mind destroying her that is probably achievable.
"Is she being honest or is she misinformed regarding physical acts before marriage AND do you think I should still date her even knowing she doesn't want to have sex prior to marriage?"
She is being honest. It is impossible to know whether or not you should keep dating her. You need to ask yourself whether, of the girls you have met, she seems like the best person to marry, whether you love and respect her, whether you can handle spending the rest of your life with someone who you will know for certain considers you the best lover they have ever had, and what you will do if you lose her. I had a friend who left his highschool sweetheart because she was pushing the marriage issue and he was scared of it. He spent the subsequent years mourning her and thinking that maybe it wouldn't have been all that bad. That is what I mean about losing her. If you decide that proceeding is the way to go you might consider reading CS Lewis Mere Christianity or Norm Geisler's I Don't Have Enough Faith to be Atheist as shared beliefs and worship would make any marriage easier.
BTW You shouldn't be wanting anal anyway married or not you sick freak. Ew! Get over it.
- 10 years ago
Kissing is okay, but anything more than that is a sin. Sex is for marriage and all those who are unmarried are called to chastity and celibacy. Those things you listed would NOT be chaste and therefore sinful. You should not see her naked until you two are married.
Most likely she is tense about kissing because she knows how easy it is to get caught up in the moment and take things further than they should go.
You should applaud her for being so firm in her faith and if you don't think she's worth the wait, then you aren't the right person for her.
And before you say it isn't possible, my husband--who came from an active sexual relationship--waited 3.5 years for me. We waited until our wedding night and because of that, he had a better relationship than he ever thought. He knew nothing about just talking to his girlfriend or how to enjoy time with her without it being physical. It was a huge eye opener for him and one he has never regretted.
- 10 years ago
Honestly I don't think you should date her.
She deserves to be with someone who treasures her and I don't think you're ready to give the girl that much respect.
You don't want to, you are already thinking of ways to do what you want anyways so why bother, you are just gonna hurt her. There's no way you can have sex with her outside of marriage and have her be completely okay with it, It will tear her up inside.
A woman should be able to feel safe with her man, not like he's trying to get something from her, and a man should want to protect the integrity of his woman.
Source(s): The reason your brain is above your organs is because your higher reason should be above your passion and not a slave to it. - .Lv 510 years ago
She is right and you are wrong. Your story implies that you date ONLY for sex and .. to you, dating is sex. If you do not like her leave her. I don't want you to date her just for sex. It is very clear from your statement: "She is a little more uptight or conservative than the girls I usually date". So how many girls have been the victims of your sex maniac? You are the picture of immoral western culture.
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- 10 years ago
Men like you disgust me. If you cant wait until marriage to have sex then you are just having sex out of lust, not love! Which is disrespectful to yourself and your partner
- Anonymous10 years ago
I believe her 100%. If you really love her, you have to respect her beliefs and her decision as well. Which is not only her rule , but God Commandments too. Either you keep her and marry her later or you let her go. why in a rush?
- Arch PaladinLv 510 years ago
Be glad shes not a slut. Ever think about that?
Why do you need sex before marriage? Are you going to die without it? She is quite informed and shows great discipline and restraint. If she were to marry you, you would not have to worry too much, if at all, that she would cheat on you. Why would you throw her away if you have a winner? Apparently you need to do More research about what she believes and and appreciate the fact that she is willing to save herself for you and when the time is right.
- Anonymous10 years ago
Dude, you will probably never find another one like her. I would definitely chill out and stop acting like a monkey. You have a brain? Don't buy into this sex is everything BS.
The relationship you build with her could be one of the greatest things you will ever know.
If all you want is sex, then you would be doing her a favor by breaking up with her because if she does do something with you because she thinks you actually like her, you will destroy her.
- GalenaLv 410 years ago
She is a Christian and she means it about marriage. If you don't want to commit to her and get married I'd say leave her alone. She is young in age and the flesh is a powerful tool for the enemy (satan). he spends his time tempting Christians and this would be a powerful temtation for her and you too if you want to become a Christian. If you care about her salvation just leave if you can't commit.
- Anonymous10 years ago
She is right. Sex before marriage is against the teachings of Christianity and in fact against the teachings of all 4 Abrahamic religions (Judaism, Christianity and Islam). If you love her, then you will wait for her and vice-versa. Reserve yourself for marriage for marriage is sacred in the eyes of our Lord.