How to deal with neglect from my father?

Question

He's been emotionally despondent towards me and my family for as long as I've known. He never took my issues seriously, his first response is to get angry, defense or offensive, and argue. He never praises any of us for the good things we've done, never invested a long term consistent interest in our lives, what values we hold, what friends we have, our future. I can't remember a time that he's ever really been supportive or even present for anything in my life really, he just happen to be breathing in the same house as me. He's a good financial provider, and may have an incredible insight, but it does not help that he an one of my brothers and him have been doing everything together for the past 4 or 5 years. Mainly because that brother took an interest in his business, which is the only thing my father really invested his time in. Other than drinking. (He's not a drunk, but he likes drinking and T.V.)

I was recently diagnosed with bipolar depression type 2, and been having mild anxiety issues. I'm on medication, but he still thinks that my depression is just a 'phase'. You know, something teenagers go through. But I'm 21 now. It's been 7 years now that he's believed my depression is a 'phase'. I am so disappointed in him.

How am I supposed to forgive him? I have always had low self esteem, insecurities, and chronic depression, but I believe that his neglect is one of the primary causes for all these issues I have. However, I'm trying to find peace. I am trying not to hate the brother he's paying attention to. I know not to expect him to change; its been over 20 years that he has been like this. So does that mean I not tell him how I feel? What am I really left to do here? Its very hard to find a father figure to take his place....what do I do?? I want to be able to move on with my life..

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Sometimes, my father can be very similar to what you described. And I understandd that the neglectful feeling is very hard to deal with. What I've come to realize is this....that everyone is not the mirror of society itsportrayedd to be. No person is picture perfect....I had to accept the fact that my fatherwasn'tt and would always be who he was. There is no doubt in my mind that your father loves you and you love him...But what you have to realize is that you cant change him...Realize the person that he is and accept it....and believe it or not...it helps. Once you rid the idea of how you think your relationship "should" be and replace it with the realization of what it is....you will find it easier to cope. To give yourself a sense of satisfaction and to ease your mind....be genuine, loving and caring to him....don't take his actions so much to heart.....find a common interest between the two of you and work with it. Positivity is always the best way to deal with anything. Take a deep breath...call him up, and instead of constantly telling him his wrongs, tell him the things you would like to do with him and move forward...and guarantee he will probably seem much different after a while.

Anonymous · Answer

If you should have bleeding again, do not wait for your mother's permission. Call an ambulance. You have to stop thinking like a daughter now, and start thinking like a mother. You are the mama bear now. Don't let anyone stand between you and protecting your baby. You should also look into getting on WIC. You can apply at the local health department. It will help with your nutrition problems by allowing you to purchase things like milk, cheese, cereal, etc. Tell your baby's father he needs to help you get to your ultrasound, if he has to borrow a car or ask a friend to drive.

Anonymous · Answer

Learn to stand on your own 2 feet.  My father moved 1500 miles away when I was 10 years old and I don't let it get to me anymore.  You can't let someone else's inadequacies determine what you do and who you are.  Be confident in yourself and strive for what you want.  Parent's are people and they aren't perfect.  Accept your relationship on whatever terms he's willing if it's that important to you.  You could also try talking to him.  There comes a point when you have to stop blaming others for your problems and just move on.  If they don't feel the same as you you'll never have a resolution unless you just learn to move past them.

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How to deal with neglect from my father?

3 Answers