Question about boyfriend and sex?

Question

I grew up with OCD, but with Zoloft and counseling, I am much better now.

Five months ago, I began dating a guy I had known for many years, and always liked.  He and I are nearly perfect together, and get along fine.

The problem is that he has OCD as well, and to a worse degree than I ever did.  That is ok with me for most things, because I understand where he is coming from and can help him cope with it.

However, he has a sexual problem that bothers me.

I am a highly sexual individual, and would have sex every day if I could.  However, he is only turned on maybe twice a week.  This seriously damages my self-esteem, although he assures me he was like this with his ex-girlfriends too, and it's not "me".  That is the reason why most of them broke up with him after only a few months.  

He gets aroused, so it's not a physical problem.  He just says he to mentally "get ready" before doing it, and it takes time for him to do that.

Does anyone else here experience that, and if so, what can be done for it?  Like I said, he and I have the exact same values and goals in other areas, and we are great together.  This is our only problem.  Am I making too big of a deal about it?  We do have sex once or twice a week, and when we do, it is great.  Should I just resign myself to not having it as much as I'd like, and focus on other parts of the relationship?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

a man can only get aroused twice a week by the same woman. try bring friends.  He may also be gay so try bringing a guy.

Rosie · Answer

This is a really hard problem D=
I feel for both of you in that I can understand him not having control over whether he can be sexually aroused, I'd guess it would be affected by a lot of other things with OCD, and I can understand your frustration in that he's perfect in every other way haha.
I'd have to say I recommend moving on. As "shallow" as it can seem to leave someone because you aren't sexually compatible, it's a really important part of your relationship, and I can pretty much guarantee it will cause a lot more frustration the longer you deal with it. You might see if he's willing to get counseling to work on this issue first. That seems most fair to me.

flyingdebris · Answer

He might need some psych therapy if it is an OCD problem or sex therapy.
He could be asexual. I find this much more likely than him being gay.
Asexuals can have romantic orientations, and your boyfriend might be very much in love with you without being sexually attracted to you. This story sounds nearly identical to many I've read on this asexuality forum.
http://www.asexuality.org/en/
stuckinadoorway.org

? · Answer

You mentioned he has OCD. Is he taking Zoloft (or any SSRI, for that matter) for it? Because most SSRIs have sexual side effects, including low libido. It's good that you're not suffering from that side effect, though. Just know that it is pretty common. If he's not taking anything, then I don't know. Does he masturbate outside of sex a lot? Has your sex life always been like this, or has it 'fizzled out' a bit?

Anonymous · Answer

lol like you said you and him are great, so why make fuss over something like that. I mean sex is real ill and its not like your not getting any from him. Twice a week is not even  bad too, you should try thinking optimistically and think to your self that mabey if I had sex every day or every other day, mabey it wont be as great when i have it twice a weeek with him.

? · Answer

he is 100% gay...he will figure out in time.

1 - this is unbelievable, its usually the other way around if anything.

2 - "get ready", WHAT?!...you make out, get a *****, have sex...wtf is getting ready?

3 - tell him how you feel because sex is a big but not every pat of a relationship..if u want sex so often and he doesnt vill tht void, u never know what can happen..cheat, masturbate, drugs, or perhaps just break up for a real man.

DFuntanar · Answer

I'd happily trade places with your boyfriend anytime ;) He prolly can't keep up with your stamina/appetite.. buy a toy for those empty days.. I would suggest swapping your boyfriend for someone who can satisfy you.. but I doubt you'd be interested :P

? · Answer

It's possible he doesn't want to move too fast and is only doing it sometimes to make you happy.

Lane · Answer

im 23 n i had sex once with a pro, i dont relly like sex

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Question about boyfriend and sex?

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