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Jane asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 9 years ago

24 year old brother still living at home?

My 24 year old brother still lives at home. He doesn't pay any board, he doesn't have a job, he swears at my mum calling her a f***ing c**t and lots ore horrible stuff. He does nothing around the house, my mum does all his washing and everything, he doesn't give a f**k about her. It really breaks my heart to see my mum being treated like a slave. She always cries because of him, but she's worried that if she throws him out on the streets that he will disown her & she said it would be evil. WHAT HE DOES TO HER IS F**KING EVIL. It's been going on for 8 years now. I really don't know what to do, or how to help :( someone pleaseeee give me advice as it's ruining my mums life & mine because I have to see her like this.. :/

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  • ?
    Lv 6
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    She must have some pent up guilt for something she feels she has done wrong in raising him.

    Lots of parents feel that an able bodied child should still be dependent on them.

    The boy is not going to starve. He's able bodied. He's got friends he could loaf off of until he gets his butt in gear. Many people need a push or an ultimatum to be self sufficient. Part of the reason he acts like a piece of sh!t is because he knows he is one.

    Your mother needs to tell him that he's got 10 days to figure out where he's going. If she can give him first months rent in a cheap room and tell him the rest is up to him, he will work. She has made this monster and she thinks that she is helping him by allowing his boorish behavior to continue and she is actually harming him more and more with each day. He's making home a horrible place for you and your mother is not very good to allow this.

    I have a difficult son. I could not allow him to negatively affect my younger children. I felt horrible knowing that he might choose to leave, but if he didn't straighten up, he'd have to go. There has to be a safe place for the good people in the family. The trolls have to live with other trolls. Your brother doesn't belong there.

  • 9 years ago

    I would try to convince my mom she needs to get some help in dealing with her problem of enabling her son and having such low self esteem to be treated so poorly.

    I know as a mother of adult children I have given my middle son many chances to either stay in school or get working. She isn't doing him any favours by being his enabler.

    She has created a monster and needs to do him and her a favour and kick his a$$ out to do some growing up.

    It's been my experience that kids don't really grow up intil they are out on their own to learn life lessons in their own good time.

    They eventually get it..have no choice but to fend for themselves and pay their way...see the error of their ways.. regret their behaviour and sometimes come back to say I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you,mom.

    Your mom is the one that needs the most help and love and support right now. Do what you can to convince her to reach out to sources that can help her with her low self esteem. Her doctor may be able to help suggest a few avenues.

    I shouldn't limit this to low self esteem.. it may have a lot to do with the attachment we have to our children. We want the best for our children. We don't want to feel that we have failed them and guilt may be tearing her heart apart.Some other factors come into play of avoiding conflict,putting off the empty nest syndrome. I know I wouldn't put up with any man in my life treating me badly..but it was a totally different story when it came to my children. I would give anything for them.

    This is where your mom is probably coming from. She is so torn and this is tearing her heart out.She needs to understand that you have to be cruel to be kind. Tough love is so much tougher on mom.. I know how she feels.

    I hope she can find the strength it will take to send your brother out on his own.She can make sure to express her regret that it has to come down to this and she wants only the best for him. I'm sure she'll find the words to avoid any screaming match and just stay calm and matter of fact of how it's going to be. I gave my eldest son a month to get a place and get out. I did extend it one month further as he struggled to find a reliable room mate to share the expenses with. Man, it was so hard to do.

    I was devastated.... but it was the best thing I could do for him. They know when you do something out of love and not turning your back on them...maybe not right away but that's up to them.

    I'm glad she has you to be there for her through this...she's lucky to have you.

    God Bless and

    Good Luck

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    i have a sister much like this. This is what you should do. Get you're mom to kick him out and send him to a specialist he needs help. She might not want to but she needs to stand up for herself. How would she treat the situation if this was her boyfriend? You would kick his *** to the curb. Same principals.

  • 9 years ago

    I am not taking up for your brother but my God your mother has made him like this. She allows him to talk to her and curse and call her names?something wrong with this picture.Only thing you can do is to talk with your mom and tell her it is about time for him to leave the cradle.

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