Will you provide critiques and comments on a new poem Two-headed Coin?

tori

I have read several good poems today, but this one is at the top. Wonderfully composed and thought out poem from subject matter to structure and what comes from the heart. Your poems are brought to life not by words as much as feeling and heart change.

I felt as if I was reading Solomon's Proverbs in the Holy Bible. I guess I should not lift this up that far, but I was so happy to be able to read this. Your help to Jacob to was Christ-like (Philippians 2:3-4)

Grace to you

Bri

Living life and making choices

Reason and doubts or whatsoever

Sometimes it's good to be on ones own

But what 's real it's hard to define

Trusting our tuition is like two sides of a coin

Hoping with our values and beliefs

Living through and accepting changes

That would transform the outcome in our favors.

This is astonishing, tori. It reminds me of "The Path Not Taken" by Paul Krugman; his was an analytical view of the economic disaster we are in.

Two sides, and with everything we do, we choose one or the other. Fortunately for me, I was taught good values and did not face the rampant illegal choices that surround the young today. The worst thing I did as a teen was shop-lift a cheap eye shadow because my friend was with me and she picked up several items and, of course, dared me.

Oh look where your poem has taken me.

The poem is excellent. Your defined structure of nearly perfect iambic pentameter creates the flow that rolls off my tongue.

I like your philosophy. Are you a Libra? Presenting both sides of the coin so much like the Libra scales.

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Oh Tori, I like this.

It seems as if the first about 10 lines are one side of the coin, perhaps logic. The next eight lines seem to be about doubt and mistakes. Lines 19-20 provide perfect juxtaposition for the flip side of the coin. One path leads to a productive life based on self assurance and living by defined protocols, while the other, with no sense of purpose may lead one down the road to self-destruction.

You are truly amazing. Your philosophy runs deep and clear.

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I like it, tori.

It seems like the first 9-10 lines focus on reason and logic, then the next 9 lines on doubt with a final line showing the way to a better path and giving hope.

You have perfect meter in every line (10), and a great rhyme pattern.

Once again I am amazed.

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Whew!

Heavy and heady stuff. Takes some thinking to go all the way through it, but definitely worth the trip.

While I am a fairly philosophical person, I didn't do well in philosophy classes. I guess I run more on instinct (which the psychologists tell me humans don't have--yeah, right!) than on philosophy, although I have had those times of wondering just who and what and why I am. I quit thinking about it when the headache got to be too much.

Good write, Tori. You are a very versatile and sensitive writer and poet. I have no critiques, only comments. And thank you so much for your kind words on my latest effort.

Happy New Year and many, many happy years to you, my dear friend. Thanks for posting this and thanks for being Tori.

I shouldn't read the other answers before I respond (it makes me feel banal).

I really really love the topic (but that's me). Until I read the question I didn't fully understand the reason for the tight structure. Were I brave or foolish enough to attempt this I doubt I could be as disciplined.

Well done. I enjoyed this very much.

Tori, I've saved this so I can return to it tomorrow when I can better focus on it. Too much peripheral going on right now to do so. But, I wanted to stop by to say "hi" and give ya a hug for now, k? G'night!

Warren D really took the words out of my mouth in his answer. Due to a lack of time, I'll just "ditto" him, with my apologies,

This has excellent meter and rhyme. It flows as I read it.

I like what you have to say very much. I guess that is because I am strong on logic and know that doubt may cause a person to not take that step forward. Not send in a manuscript for fear of rejection.

I believe it is from your favorite book DUNE: Fear is the mind killer.

Well written poem, tori!

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I Have Built My Life Around Goldie Locks

By Happy Hiram

Reason is never a good basis for worldview

This is the reason for fables

Straight jacket theories will never do

They weigh on our souls like gables.

Anytime something doesn't fit

I leave it to momma and poppa bear

Those things I make mine are a gift

For the not jiving stuff, I don't care.

An important reason to build your house

Out of the cheapest of sand

Is the tide doesn't quite as much louse

An edifice less daunting and grand.

If my fable fails me in any small way

I know it is just a construct anyway.