how did your parents teach you coping skills?

They hit me with a gravy boat.

My parents didn't teach me coping skills. I learned them on my own as an adult.

FYI, even though Faith's answer has been unpopular so far with the thumb-votes, her answer is actually based on sound research whether she knows it or not.

In psychology (especially motivational psychology branches of research) and in education, coping skills are basically about how to deal with personal failures or how to deal with negative emotions from failures or from events that happen to you. It's about recognizing that the feelings themselves are okay and healthy to have, but that there are good and bad ways to respond to negative feelings. For example, it's perfectly okay to feel hurt or angry, but children need to be taught a correct and healthy way to first identify, then express, and then respond to those emotions.

Here is the general strategy on how to express emotions verbally (recognizing, though, that nonverbal expressions are often all that is needed):

1) State the feeling.

2) State the cause.

3) Explain what you would have preferred.

Example: When you came home late without calling, I felt sad because it made me feel unimportant and forgotten. I would appreciate at least a text. or

Mom, when you took away the video games for me not doing my chores, it made me mad because Sammy didn't do his chores yesterday and you didn't take his games away. I thought it wasn't fair. I want you to treat us the same way.

Here are some common negative emotions and more specific strategies on how to address them, based on tons of research (for adults or for children):

ANGER: 1) Separate yourself by either putting space between you and the person/situation, or turning your back, or closing your eyes. At least 10 to 20 minutes are necessary to allow all adrenaline to leave your blood stream. 2) Distract yourself with math problems, logic puzzles, or something that uses the logical side of your brain. This is necessary to stop the adrenaline and escalation. 3) Once calm, decide why you were angry. Anger is usually based on a sense of unfairness.

ANXIETY: 1) Identify the fear. 2) Brainstorm a very long list of different strategies on how to confront the fear, including silly ones. 3) (Long-term): Build up accomplishments in something, like sports or music or whatever, that will give you a sense of self-efficacy. Self-efficacy means that you feel like you have the ability to control your environment and make good things happen when you work at it.

DEPRESSION: 1) Get active, running or playing or whatever. Regular exercise has been found to be just as effective or sometimes MORE effective than Prozac at relieving symptoms of depression and anxiety. 2) Spend more time with more people, even if it just means sitting in a cafe or park surrounded by strangers. Humans are social, and the more connections, even tiny ones, that you have, the healthier and happier your brain.

FAILURE: 1) Realize that YOU are not the failure. Either your skills (which can be practiced and improved) or your strategies (which can be traded for new ones) failed. 2) If you're mentally confused, try a new strategy. Ask for help from an expert if you can't think of a new strategy. 3) If you understand but are still failing, it's a skill-based problem. Repeat the activity over and over, looking carefully for mistakes and fixing them one by one. Once you think all the mistakes are fixed, go for speed/fluency if relevant.

One time when I way 7-10.

I was at daycare and I wouldn't get in the care so my mom could drive me home.

She got mad and pretended to drive away circling around the block.

I saw her go up the street and turn right.

I figured that's the way home and started walking off.

My mom circled around the street I was gone.

She freaked out was I kidnapped where did I go.

She eventually found me.

That I taught my mom parenting skills, and I taught myself how to cope with the real world.

They didn't. That is why I started cutting at 13 & turned to self harm at 15.

Coping skills isn't something you sit down and teach your child. It is done by example. If mom screams and yells when she is mad she shouldn't be surprised her kids throw tantrums when they are mad.

I've taught my kids from a young age that it is ok to be mad, sad or scared. Plus I taught them if they were mad it is ok to let the anger out, but you never hurt anyone with that anger. So I taught them stomp their feet and say "I'm mad" then calmly go to their room and calm down.

If the parents do not have their own coping skills then the children won't learn them either.

One game I made up to play with kids when they were little was to act out feelings. I'd make it all silly and say things like "Can you show me sad? How do you act when sad?" I'd all silly like a clown drooping down hunched over so sad and whining. I'd make my face sad too. Then I'd stand up and say "How do you act when sad?" Then my child would usually put their hands on their face & pretend to cry. We'd hug and just talk about feeling sad. I'd do this through all the emotions.

They would talk to me, and explain that what happened to me wasn't the end of the world and that it wasn't all that long that they were kids, too...etc etc... I had great parents that loved me more than anything and they always took time to help me in the time of (what i certainly thought was ) "crisis".

my parents weren't very good parents I learnt to cope on my own

They didn't. I learned to grow a thick skin a long time ago.

They didnt.

Yeah they didn't lol