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?
Lv 4
? asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 9 years ago

Is my poem good or bad...?

Your Price

Barter with empty hands

The Lords come to pay

Not for an old hag

Not for flamboyant fags

Only the lies

For illusions won’t cry

They don’t hide

Even if your price is to high

We want fools

People who drown

The drunks and clowns

None will ever wear a crown

But live with the unsanitary crowds

My second poem...

Wrapped In Plastic

Models in gun proof windows

Soon to be replaced

With a gun to the face

They advertise our skin

Only way to dye the dead

Wrap me up

A bow on the face

Shipped to the American base

7 Answers

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  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    i can see what you were trying to do here. well, i get what you want to say and i like it.

    but personally i'm not that much into poetry that rhymes. why don't you try writing sth surrealistic? i this kind of poetry there are no rules, only a huge meaning that manifests itself in whatever way the reader wants it to. everything is possible, everything is correct.

    i think t would set you free. some poets even give shapes to their poems, making them for example look like clouds or stars or whatever.

    i suspect you know what kind of star i mean...

    :)

    forever yours, a little someone who'd love to read sth new from you.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Rhyming poetry has to have an even precise beat (rhythm) or it doesn't flow and is jerky to read. If you even up the beat, it will be a much superior poem. Also, your rhyming words don't match up. It is totally inconsistent. You have two lines in a row that don't rhyme and the next two do, or even four lines in a row with all the same rhyming sound. It's a mess, sorry.

  • 9 years ago

    I don't like the ''Old Hag; bit it reminds me of something someone ones said to me on here.

    The rest of your poem is good .

    The second one, I don't understand .. Maybe I'm a Half Wit too ... LOL

  • ?
    Lv 5
    9 years ago

    Interesting, both...and good reads, too. The story is right there, if you're willing to listen...although I have problems with some words.

    Your spelling is perfect, kind of; your writing right up there. Your usage of the language impresses and makes me jealous. Wonderful writing!

    What (two) wonderful reads...both fantastic. But I would vote #2 as my fave......much better.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Love it. I'm no poet, but both are really interesting.

  • 9 years ago

    Good poem.

  • 9 years ago

    good..but i think second one is better then first one.

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