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Is my poem good or bad...?
Your Price
Barter with empty hands
The Lords come to pay
Not for an old hag
Not for flamboyant fags
Only the lies
For illusions won’t cry
They don’t hide
Even if your price is to high
We want fools
People who drown
The drunks and clowns
None will ever wear a crown
But live with the unsanitary crowds
My second poem...
Wrapped In Plastic
Models in gun proof windows
Soon to be replaced
With a gun to the face
They advertise our skin
Only way to dye the dead
Wrap me up
A bow on the face
Shipped to the American base
7 Answers
- 9 years agoFavorite Answer
i can see what you were trying to do here. well, i get what you want to say and i like it.
but personally i'm not that much into poetry that rhymes. why don't you try writing sth surrealistic? i this kind of poetry there are no rules, only a huge meaning that manifests itself in whatever way the reader wants it to. everything is possible, everything is correct.
i think t would set you free. some poets even give shapes to their poems, making them for example look like clouds or stars or whatever.
i suspect you know what kind of star i mean...
:)
forever yours, a little someone who'd love to read sth new from you.
- Anonymous9 years ago
Rhyming poetry has to have an even precise beat (rhythm) or it doesn't flow and is jerky to read. If you even up the beat, it will be a much superior poem. Also, your rhyming words don't match up. It is totally inconsistent. You have two lines in a row that don't rhyme and the next two do, or even four lines in a row with all the same rhyming sound. It's a mess, sorry.
- Caz :) xLv 79 years ago
I don't like the ''Old Hag; bit it reminds me of something someone ones said to me on here.
The rest of your poem is good .
The second one, I don't understand .. Maybe I'm a Half Wit too ... LOL
- ?Lv 59 years ago
Interesting, both...and good reads, too. The story is right there, if you're willing to listen...although I have problems with some words.
Your spelling is perfect, kind of; your writing right up there. Your usage of the language impresses and makes me jealous. Wonderful writing!
What (two) wonderful reads...both fantastic. But I would vote #2 as my fave......much better.
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- Anonymous9 years ago
Love it. I'm no poet, but both are really interesting.