Would you read this book?

These lines confused me. You might want to revise them.

"When I turned to yell to Kate that I had found the necklace but was stuck and needed help because my ankle felt sprained, I faced a pare of large, glowing green eyes instead."

"I was frozen and too afraid I might make it worse if I yelled for help to make a sound"

"The teeth felt like a hundred knives crushing and cutting me" - because I don't think knives can crush you.

There are some more grammar errors but I won't point them out anymore. I just wanted to point out the sentences that confused me because I won't be interested in a book that contains language that I find hard to comprehend.

I think you should separate the independent clauses especially if they aren't very related to each other. If would give a better flow or feel of suspense if you wrote it like:

"I couldn't scream anymore. I was beginning to hallucinate."

Based on what I have read, I don't know what the book's plot is or what genre it would belong to. That would affect whether someone would like to buy it.

The thing is, I can't simply judge an entire novel by a small snippet. To be honest, not knowing what the book is about (it'd help if you had a synopsis available) and reading this excerpt, this story doesn't seem like my type of novel. I felt as if the pacing was too fast, and the reader was drawn into an imminent scene where we have no idea what exactly is going on. I felt as if there was a lot of telling and not exact showing. This doesn't seem like the type novel I would buy and actually finish reading. I would consider revising.

It's good! Though if I had to give suggestions, I would say that present tense for a novel is generally more powerful than past tense. But that's debatable based on what your book is about and where it goes. And remember the almighty rule of story-telling: show, don't tell.

But overall, it sounds like an interesting story :)

Yes. Excellent cliffhang and everything! Super good.