Soon to be dad! Need help/advice?

it sounds there will never be a relationship anyway, right? you will be asked to support the kid, but with that you can ask for a say in the upbringing, what school it goes to, etc. you will probably not agree to everything the mother does, but make sure you stay on speaking terms with her always. always start the discussion from you own feelings, no-one can deny your own feelings, but also listen to her reasoning. don´t fight, especially in front of the kid.

most of all, enjoy being a father, it´s great!

It is pretty scary but as long as the mother is the one bearing the baby making tools us dad's are a bit sidelined and unable to have much control. Termination wise its extremely unfair that a woman could keep a baby the dad really didn't want (especially if birth control was used) however as an adult having sex you always always ALWAYS have to take into consideration the fact that a pregnancy could occur, even if you use a condom. So if you really don't want a kid that much I suggest masturbation and just hold off having sex until you find someone you're willing to settle down with. I'm pretty liberal and not religious so abstaining until marriage obviously isn't what I want everyone to do but I think for a lot of young people especially it seems like the only way out of all of these unwanted pregnancies considering birth control is never 100% effective. Its also dreadfully unfair that a woman could kill a baby that the father really did want, but hey its her body so she has control over what happens too it.

As for the way the child is raised- you are right, it should always be a 50/50 thing even if the parents aren't together however a lot of women do make this difficult for men, and sometimes quite rightly. However given your side of the story it sounds like you most definitely do deserve a part in your child's life. You will have to go through a court if she does make it difficult for you once the child is here- i.e she won't let you see the child at all, or only very rarely. But this will be a very lengthy and expensive process- particularly if she doesn't take you along to sign the birth certificate giving you no actual legal rights.

I'd advise if it is possible that you sit down together and really talk this through, this is a child's life we are talking about and isn't some game. Do you even know the child is actually yours? Could she have slept with someone else around the same time? That's another point to take into consideration.. But if you do know for certain then you need to go to her and really fully discuss this, tell her how you're feeling and how much it would mean to you to be a part of the child's life. If it still doesn't get through to her then court will really be your only option, which obviously is a shame.

As for over night visits i'd say until at least age two they won't happen anyway. Breastfeeding, babies need their mummy, difficult for mother's to let them go stay with someone else more often than not, babies won't settle in an unfamiliar place etc. So you can't really expect over night stays, and probably not even being around them without the mum for the first year. But as long as you're seeing the kid it doesn't matter really, does it?

No. She cannot unilaterally dictate what your access is. That is what the family court does and you have equal parental rights and always will unless you become a crackhead criminal.

Two things to prepare yourself for during the custody hearing:

1. while nursing it would be reasonable to expect you could not take the child form Mom for prolonged periods, does not mean you cannot visit!!!!

2. Not all children can cope with 50-50. It is disruptive, chaotic and your kid needs to have a certain personality to deal with it. Over the years, being organized about school stuff, sport stuff, where am I sleeping tonight? It can get really crazy or them so prepare yourself that your child may need to be in one place during the week to avoid stress and chaos. They thrive with structure and predictability.

You MUST have a custody hearing. Do NOT under any circumstances make a verbal agreement. Protect yourself. Protect your child. I suggest you have the court order co-parenting classes so you and the Mom can be educated on what to expect over the years and how to work together for the benefit of the child and not run personal agendas. Everything can be negotiated with a neutral 3rd party. Changes to visitation, when the child can be exposed to your new boy/girlfriends, relatives, holidays....this way there is no opportunity for argument, confusion or debate. You are secure in your role as father. Neither of you can unilaterally pull the rug out from underneath the other.

I expect during your custody hearing they will calculate child support and how health insurance, dental and daycare will be shared. You can request terms that neither of you can move more than 100 miles away without the other parent's consent.

It is now about the child's interest, not your failed fling. If you go into this with that mind set, everything will be fine. if she tries to run a personal agenda, you will be protected by a legal establishment of custody and a co-parenting plan she is accountable for following.

Final recommendation:

Watch the film "Courageous" to see what makes a good father!

I was 18 when I got Pregnant and I felt that I couldn't Support My Child. But The Moment you Look at the Beautiful Babys Face you know That you will put your Heart ans Soul into Doing everything you Can to Make that Child Feel Safe and Sound. People WILL Help Your Not Alone

You'd need to talk to a lawyer about this. I wouldn't expect that you'd take the child (of either gender) overnight until they were a few years old though. Is she intending to breastfeed? I hope so, because it's the normal way to feed a baby and the health outcomes for breastfed babies are much much better, so you can do your bit as the dad to encourage this:)

Where I live, she doesn't get to exclude you unnecessarily from your child's life. But custody battles are expensive, so it's best if you try to reach agreement, and then (if possible where you are?) get what we call consent orders.

If you really feel like you won't be able to support the baby then you should give it up for adoption. There are many people who can't have children and they really want one. If you feel like you can't support the baby then it would probably be best to just give the baby up to a life that may be promising.

Start by taking living up to your position as the head of the family by simply telling her your plans for the future or by toughening up. You really have to think about it since you really did mess up.

Well, first off tell her the sex of the child doesn't matter because it is yours too. If you think you can take care of it than go for it my friend, no reason for her to say no.

You probably should have thought of all the complications before you decided to have sex.

relax/

still go to work

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stay with your parents enless u have a house