Help, I can't STAND my mom!?

I hate my mom. I hate her.

One time I told her that, and she just said, "I don't care. I'm actually glad because that means I'm doing my job,"

She's so friggin lazy, like, I'll be upstairs in my room and she'll yell at me to go get her purse, which is only 10 ft away from her. She has NO respect for privacy. For instance, if she actually gets up (she has no job; she basically is on her laptop the whole day) and goes upstairs, she'll bust open the door of my bedroom and demand what I'm doing. And when she's changing, she honestly doesn't care if I see her walking around naked. I'll be drying off after a shower with the door closed and she'll bust in and use the toilet when I'm naked, still in there. And whenever she's pissed at me and I happen to be in the shower, she'll open the curtain and turn the shower off, not caring if I still have soap in my hair. Today when I was drying off (with the door closed) she opened the door and started yelling at me for something I said, then when she was done she just stormed out, not even closing the door. And when I asked her to close it, she bitchily said, "No!"

She makes me cry almost every day. And whenever I cry, she just says, "Boo hoo! Stop crying, you baby"

She constantly talks bad about me in front of her church friends, and she could honestly care less if I hear her or not. She even complained to my teachers, and my friends' moms, and sometimes just strangers. It's like I'm just some kind of icebreaker topic.

My mom also talks bad about me to the DOG. Whenever I say something/do something out of my anger, she tells the dog, "Aw, YOU never talk back to me, don't you!" or, "Jackie is in BIG trouble!"

She yells at me all the time. In the car, at the supermarket, at home naked. We argue almost over everything. One time, she saw that I had chocolate milk and demanded that I made her some. When I said no, she said, "No, you need to make me some" Then 5 minutes later, after I had ignored her, she said, "This is the final chance to make me some chocolate milk before I punish you. You will still have to make the chocolate milk after I punish you tho." Lazy woman could've gotten up into the kitchen which was just a ROOM AWAY.

My mom constantly takes my phone. I'll have it for like 2 hrs and then we'll get into an argument agin then I'll get it taken away for another 2 weeks. She'll give me the phone, then she'll get mad at me for texting.

There was a period of time when my mom thought I was on drugs, because some stupid church guy misheard me saying something and thought i said i was on pot. (This church guy actually had a legit hearing problem, no joke) He told her, and she FREAKED on me, pinned me down to the floor and beat me with a brush. I had to run away to my friends house as she called the cops on me. Then the next day I had to go back. We were at church when my mom all of a sudden took my friend by the arm and started talking bad about me to her!!! Later I caught up with her and she told me that my mom had said, "Don't trust Jackie, she lies about everything. Don't trust her when she says things about me."

Later, I figured out that my mom had sent e-mails to some of my friends' moms saying that I was a pot addict and that their daughters should stay away from me.

Whenever I ignore her when she is calling, she'll run upstairs, bust open my door and start screaming at me. Then she'll punish me with cleaning chores. She never cleans because she is much too busy playing facebook games.

None of my friends' parents like her. They know all about her antics.

So, how can I keep my temper with her? I really can't stand her but I can't afford to keep getting grounded, getting my phone taken away, and so on. I have a pretty good relationship with my Dad, but DEFINITELY not my mom.

Any tips on how to get her to like me? Any tips on how I can keep my temper?