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Will you comment on this poem? Suburban Storm?
With perfect suburban precision,
my hand reached to draw the curtains at midnight.
this time has not enough shape to it
for these people, and it shows in the black out.
they are oblivious to my night trained eyes,
but they could not fault me on my timing: midnight
on the dot - the thunder slapped
and shook this glassy street.
Though I am not one of them, these doll-like creatures
I am no closer to the Gods
who Terrified me.
The smacking and growling continued
truly tempered now, they must have been,
With the answering silence and sleep
Forever stoic, here.
They were building themselves up into a real state
a crescendo of rage.
I turned off the bedside lamp to hide me:
Played dead to this show.
The poor trees were blasted and battered relentless,
but the houses refused to budge,
or rouse, or live,
And in their haste and fury at this impossibility,
I saw them. It burnt the retinas of my eyes
They blew us up:
Our snow globe world.
Any advice or guidance would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Wow, thanks for the great response guys. I love how the interpretations are quite diverse.
Janahara - thank you for your astute thoughts. It is inspired where I am living at the moment - back with my parents where I grew up - in a suburban part of the city next to an airplane hanger which was built as a decoy during ww2. So yes, very astute.
Humpty Dumpty - thank you so much, so not true though!!! I know I've a lot to learn.
Emma - Thanks for your comment, what part would you have me cut? I think the poem you cite is completely different from mine - in form, content and, well, everything.. so I don't qutie see how it's relevant.
Gene - Thanks for your encouraging words. I'm glad you think I have a unique style. Sometimes I think I do and it manages to come through, and I think the snow globe line is where it did.
Soc - thanks for the apt link. Interesting comparison.
Alpha Giorgio - It wasn't deliberately about Nuclear Winter following a Holocaust, but it is open
6 Answers
- NatLv 79 years agoFavorite Answer
Your descriptive talents shine through
in this poem
You have a way of voicing
your sentences that's unique
to you
This poem carries a static
charge all the way to
your extraordinary,
jaw dropping line
Our snow globe world.
This almost knocked me
out of my chair.
Your a gifted writer and
thanks for allowing us to
enter
this snow globe world.
- ~Jahanara ~Lv 59 years ago
writeforums.com has a better community for poetry and the like. :D Try them.
At first, I felt that the narrator was an outsider or a spy amongst the suburbanites. Then I realized, or I hope it was during WWII when Germany carpetbombed the major cities is the UK.
"They were building themselves up into a real state
a crescendo of rage." << Love the style here.
They blew us up:
Our snow globe world<<< And especially here
- adeline_cosineLv 79 years ago
Excellent. Intense. Fabulous. It will take me more than a few readings to comment. I have to find my interpretation of who the narrator is. That interpretation makes a considerable difference in my reading of this poem.
At this point, I believe the narrator is Death. The incredible turn on this is that Death is doomed to walk amongst humanity, and once humanity is destroyed and all returned to ashes and dust: so is Death. "They blew us up."
What can Death reap when there is no harvest?
@Emma, you cannot criticize something for not being another thing. "I hate this beef because it is not shrimp" simply doesn't work.
- Anonymous9 years ago
Is it about a Nuclear Winter following a Holocaust?
Dynamic writing from one of our best free verse poets. Congratulations!
Very good unfolding of lines, usage of words and conceptual development.
You are substantial, so exercise it because there will be a future. Calmly , patiently, progress and create. I foresee success. Bravo!
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