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What to do with my sons father..I know it is long but PLEASE read so you can understand...?
I'm 22 years old, and he is 24.. He cheated on me when I was 8 months pregnant and left me for the woman he cheated on me with. My son is now 3 and a half and his father took me to court about 8 months ago.. WITHOUT TELLING ME. It scared the **** out of me because I pretty much breast fed and cooked and cleaned and did almost everything alone especially when he was a baby.. He was never a bad father so I am not here to bad mouth him.. But he scared me and got a lawyer in court.. I represented myself.. I live alone, I'm on assistance and he works and has a house with his girlfriend. His lawyer told me that it is the best interest of the child if he goes with him.. and he lied onthe court papers and said everything that was FALSE Exept for ONE thing that was true. He put my son in daycare without my permission and it looked good on him in the courts, he is now living with his father full time and i get him on the weekends or every other weekend. The woman that he is cheated on me with.. OUR SON CALLS HIM MOMMA... I told him as a father it is wrong of him to accept OUR child to do that and he said I shouldnt worry because our son is smart and that he knows I am his REAL actual mother so IT DOESN'T MATTER. I snapped I think he is BEYOND disrespecting me and it's been 3 1/2 years I been taking his crap because I am NOT a bad mother. He even put our son in Soccer Without my consent or Sharing ANYTHING with me. Before he took me to court he was paying child support and stopped and I never asked him for a cent.. instead I aked him for groceries THREE TIMES and he refused.. only one time he gave me 50 dollars to get groceries. I think he did this so he wouldn't have to pay child support and wouldn't have to be worried. I never did ANYTHING to him I don't get why he is making my life a living hell.. I want EQUAL rights.. I am the mother and I always share things with him when I have our son. sometimes when it is my time to have the weekends he will say he has work at 5 in the morning or says our son has a birthday party to go to or SOME SORT OF STORY just so he can miss the weekends with me.. And when I threaten him to bring him to court to solve this mystery he says oh well you miss A LOT OF weekends with OUR son and it would be HIS FAULT because he always comes up with some sort of story. (I have my mother as a witness).. Anyway my son is with me now and he will be coming for him tomorrow morning.. I wish I can just not have to open the door but he threatens that he is the REAL parent just because of the papers.. he is taking advantage and Little do the COURTS Know that he is manipulating and a HUGE liar and a bad father.. because what father keeps a child away from his mother and causes his own child to call his GIRLFRIEND momma it's wrong.. and I don't know how to go about this. And the only reason he won in court is because he got his lawyer to scare me and I agreed to weekends.. and I now REGRET this.. Please help me.. I'm at my wits end.. He can't even cook.. my poor child is always asking me for cookies and hot dogs and I am big on Organic eating and a healthy meal plan.. My son SHOULD be with ME FULL TIME and with his father for the weekend... His father works FULL TIME AND GOES TO SCHOOL. I work at home.. There is no reason for this.. and he put a television in our 3 year olds room at HIS house..and he spoils him with toys so much that sometimes my son says mommy i want to go to daddys house because i want to play with my toys... He has LOTS of toys here but "Better" toys at his fathers house appearently.. He is teaching our child to be materialistic and causing him to be used to not being with me... I sometimes feel not important although I do know my son loves me very much... But this is all wrong and I don't know what to do to change it...?!?!?!?!
2 Answers
- virgodLv 79 years ago
When you lie to courts or your girlfriends - it's one thing. When you lie to a huge forum of Y!A - you should know better. How the hell did he "scared" you into loosing your child? Read this nonsense again, "And the only reason he won in court is because he got his lawyer to scare me and I agreed to weekends" Really? Telling you what is in the best interests of your baby is a "scare"? LOL
With almost 2 decades experience in child protection, I am telling you, that the court, which traditionally favors mothers, had much, MUCH more serious reasons to take a custody from you after you had him for 2 years and 4 months.
Next, you implied that his father got his son only because he doesn't have to pay a child support now? You must be kidding, woman, because he took upon himself a life long obligation and responsibility. By the way, your mother can not be your "witness", because she is NOT impartial to you and courts know it. The bottom line is - you will NOT get your kid full time until he is 16 and tells the Judge that he prefers to reside with you, so simmer down and listen.
You made many mistakes and bad choices in your life and you are paying for it now. To make it a little easier on you - the statistics show that single fathers are more successful in raising their children (especially boys) than single mothers. And your son will know who his real mother is.
Use the time you have now for rebuilding your life, keep your legs crossed until you are married, and when you are together with your son, remember that your simple unconditional love means more for him than any cookies, or toys, or even "organic meals" and that your bitterness can ruin him emotionally and mentally.
- ?Lv 69 years ago
Your ex-husband has a girlfriend and a house. When your husband is working or at school, the girlfriend takes care of your son, and if she's working, your son is in daycare. In any situation, he is being well cared-for, and has what he needs when he needs it. Because they are both working, they are able to afford the "better" toys and the tv in his bedroom. They will also be able to afford any dr. appts. or dentist appts that your son will need, now and in the future. They will probably be able to afford his clothes, as he grows into larger sizes. They have signed him up for soccer...that's a good thing.. they understand that your son needs friends his own age and he needs exercise and to learn about "team effort". They are doing right by your son. You don't have to worry "what is going on in that house."
You, on the other hand, are a basket case (noted by your long question). I'm sorry, Dear, but you are. You miss your son so much, and you feel the only place he should be is with his real mother...YOU. But the fact is, you can't take care of him, physically, mentally, socially, financially. He really is better off, living with his dad and his gf.
And I know, you're upset that your son calls the gf "mommy", because she's not his mommy, you are. But she spends more time with him than you do. She takes care of him and loves him more often than you do. And as jealous of that as you are, you are in no position (financially) to change that. Even if you do hire a lawyer and sue for custody, where will you live ? How will you support yourself and your son ? How will you pay the lawyer ? I'm sure all of these things crossed his dad's mind, and THAT was a decision-maker, when he took custody of your son. Your ex wants only good things for your son, and he wants good things for you too, he's trying to give you a chance to get on your feet and make something great come out of it. So it hurts that you can't have custody, but really YOUR SON is the most important person in this mess, and he is being well cared-for and loved by all of you.