Mom won't accept my fiancé coming back,help?

Question

I'm 21 and recently moved back in with my mom after living on my own for almost a year. I dated Julio for a year and couple months , lost my virginity and moved out with him into his house. He really didn't like how controlling and intrusive my mom was in our relationship. She could call and make me cry in a second or I'd be across town and she would want me to drop everything to go to the store and buy something she needed when she was closer to the store. She would say negative things about him and how I was stupid to be with him. And would start fights between Julio and I. 

She didn't like him because he was seven years older than me, took my virginity and has two kids. He was also recently out of the military and don't want to work for a while as he wanted to spend time with his family. We moved in together and  got into a lot of arguments and his mother was racist. Needless to say we broke up and my mom was estatic. Meanwhile I was miserable and sad. 

While we were broken up my ex has gotten promoted twice at his new job and is making a great living. He sought help for his anger issues and wants to get married. Unfortunately my mom has been saying all these negative things and how I'm much better without my ex. I've seen the change in him but my mom will kick me out if she knew he was back in the picture. 

I want him and i just want my mom to tolerate it without all the issues. I would like to live with him and keep my relationship with my mom . What should I do?

MCSHughes · Accepted Answer

Realize that changes take time.  Date him a lot longer, drop the whole "fiance" nonsense.  Neither him nor you are ready for marriage from what you're describing.  Date him for two more years and then talk about marriage.  You're VERY young to take on being an instant "step mom".  The odds are so against you and him being successful anyway, you really owe to all of you to give it time.  If you're meant to be together, that time is an investment into your futures.  Get your education finished and career started.

Don't move in together.  The odds that you'll divorce are 30% higher when you shack up, and whatever you do, do not have a baby with this man.

Education - MARRIAGE - babies

Anonymous · Answer

Your an adult now. You have to make a decision. She is your mom, even though you think you will lose her if you go live with him or be with him, that's not true. She will always be there for you. She is just saying that to scare you. She loves you & only wants the best for you. I know you can understand that. Sit your mom down & tell her that you see a Change in him & want to give him a second mistake, your mom was 21 once & in love, I know deep down inside she understands. She is just scared for you. Dosent want to see you hurting. Tell her that if this is a mistake, you will have to figure that out on your own, in due time. Tell her you love her, and hope that she will be there for you no matter what. This is your life now.

Carolina · Answer

I have found that my mom is usually always right. There must be a reason why she doesn't like him. Your her daughter, she loves you and wants the best for you. He has a lot of baggage. Think with your mind not your heart. Be practical. You're still really young. 5 years from now you will want something different than now. Take it slow. Listen to mom. She knows best.

Anonymous · Answer

Hello my friend my sister also had this kind of problem and now both of them are happy again, can you email me on mccart.brenda@yahoo.com so that we can chart offline thier are things i need to tell you to do okay.

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Mom won't accept my fiancé coming back,help?

4 Answers