How would you improve, critique or react to this poem?

Simple words...telling a Simple fact...in a telling manner!

I recently tasted a moment of utter 'Aloneness'...I wonder if it was a glimpse of things to come! :)

PS: If we die in groups, would we be able to hold on to each other? Perhaps up to the gates of Heaven and Hell?!?

Just thinkin'

Sue

Very nice poem. It almost would appear that each stanza can stand on it's own, but assembled it becomes one.

The first stanza read my thought was I don't feel like walking alone for a while. Second stanza was more tricky for me, but perhaps walking alone creates more of a void then when two or more are together, and these empty spots turn into memories. Heck, here for all I know it could be being alone, then with one woman, and the memory we create was not planned........which

leads to the 3rd stanza of life, taking up residence within the Mother to be brought out to the world

...and later, to leave it alone, not including possible spiritual accompaniment.

Well written, you pull off one and two word sentences beautifully, effectively.

Congrats!!

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I like the way you constructed this poem

in 6, short line stanzas.

An example where words become

food for thought.

Just some random thoughts...

"Alone, walking" (reversing your 1st two words seems more suspenseful.

You could use "deserted", eliminating "lonesome"(conjures more illusionary images).

You could say "fateful tricks" rather than "dirty".

S - 3, L - 1..."It's untrue we enter" (eliminating "that" seems more forceful)

You could substitute "the last" or "the final",eliminating naming "death's",

having the reader formulate your meaning as death, rather than naming it.

The 1st line of the final stanza, you could say "It's impervious fact"

which seems more commanding and irreversible.(eliminating "but")

These are just suggestions that parallel,

not meant to alter, this engrossing,

fateful read.

Well voiced, Sue

I will react, thank you

...I have witnessed others dying

when the breath leaves the body

that final closure,

I have taken a woman and dressed her to sit

a the end of a long hall, she demanded

in a calm way she said she was going home

she sat that way for hours

then she said I am ready we put her to bed and

she relaxed into it and sighed

and then she was gone

all I know of death is what the Bible tells us

that it is like going to sleep and when we next wake up

it will be in heaven if we truly believe and trust in Him

this knowledge releases me from fear

and if we go to sleep knowing we are going to reawaken,

it is a beautiful thing,

I like this poem , its a truth in life. i will agree with F on the line he wrote Of walking through deaths door alone. That would just point up the rest of the poem perfectly. other than that i wouldnt change a thing.this is my kind of poem.

I would add only one word and take one away

though I know solitary and alone are the same

for me it just flows better.. good poem

but it's absolute fact

our most

solitary act

is walking through

death's door

alone

unhappy yet good. thoughts They realm of your imaginiation isn't subconscious... perhaps you should claim the painful or harsh or countless realm? words on a tombstone are literally not invicible. perhaps you should claim some thing like. The hours flew by like seconds the marvelous thing about your image engraved in my ideas like the words in a tombstone of those once loved. i opt to guard it from being weathered by the sands of time. i think like the line "As organic and gracious because the day we first met" should be sepparated from the line "yet that deliver has sailed" The deliver line is a clean concept and should be the begining of a clean paragraph. on the end you're speaking about the tick tock of your beating heart. perhaps the purely correct line should be more suitable open, like "received't you wind me back up?" or "Hoping you should wind me back up." good success. Love is painful.

Wonderful poem. Yes we loved when we are born but when we die i dont think anyone will care. Its sad when one dies. The last step in dying is unknown. And we have to do it alone all by ourselves.Sollitary Act is a good title to the poem..

All the much better when the ones you thought lost

greet you on the other side

and this time it's forever.

Missed you lots Sue, so nice to have you here....

Thank you Sue for posting this lovely poem. Death is a door we all have to walk through alone. Some are afraid, others are not. Your poem is making my mind wander this afternoon. Hope you are well.