A Sad Little Two-Minute Poem... would you comment?

I like this poem just the way you wrote it . and its true. symbolic of life for us and life for the animals period . for any thing that is living. one step out side a door and enter a whole new world of learning from one day to the next and we find some things like kitten found on the other side of the door. i like this in a special way.

All the necessary material for a fine poem, and you keep careful control of the language to let the story tell the story - all of this is good.

Try to find a way to write 'scrofulous' out of the poem. If you tell us about the tomcat's condition before you tell us about it ('red abscesses revealing raw skin like a vet text), at best you lose energy. The telegraphed punch of 'scrofulous' particularly annoyed me because comparing skin tetter to a vet text is such an interesting image.

And did this tom actually 'rear'? An odd posture for a cat (especially one seeking attention). Even if 'reared' is factually true, think about some more catlike posture for your tom at this point.

Try moving some of your past tenses into the present: it's a simple trick, which works for lots of different kinds of poem.

But you certainly have all the ingredients for a fine poem here: and even presented like this - it isn't at all bad.

Try to perform it if you have the chance and the nerve. It is easily good enough to perform, but probably still weak enough to need the hard temper of performing.

Bri , i like all your poems , your youthful self had a huge heart then and you have a good larger heart now beautiful thank you for posting .. it somewhat is the only i like the main suitable , yet there all super Brothers I genuinely have 5 (5) brothers that are such relaxing We do a great number of play while the artwork is complete We do a great number of issues on a daily basis Which brother is maximum suitable i'm no longer able to Say superb ... . ..

You are skilled.

This read well from start to finish - altho' the last two lines are not as moving as the rest (I hope it is O.K. I said that). The description of the tom cat is excellent - scrofulous, abscesses, mangy - good words. I love the line - arched a back and hissed in fear - I can see that.

Full of sensory images.

Rhythm is good too. - Oh and that is not an after thought.

when those who film wildlife come across helpless animals

they leave them to the design of nature and never interfere

so to say you must give help is a conscious decision you have

already made before even meeting this tom cat.Says more about

you then the cat, your own empathy is a strong force and guide.

It's nice to see this side of humanity is still around..

adeline_cosine

Well, we have talked about your cats mostly, but some ours, and I feel both privy and privileged though this story escapes, unless it is fictional.

We have two lovable cats (one is sort of a kitty-cat, smaller) and they would not survive outside. If they lasted the night it was because they found a safe place and did not move. We got opossums, raccoon, snakes and dragons.

Your poem was touching, for I know how much you love your kitties that it makes this even more a tear-dropper. a_c, your ability to write, though not perfect, in pretty unparalleled on YAP. My only thing with this long a poem is the format, but I can deal with it just like I deal with the cats. :)

Congrats!

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Simple, yet profound, Interesting how you used a kitten

to send such a thought provoking message.

Seven

"Love endures all." I see the vet text as bad news- That I understand too well lately! Your poem show that you are a reflection of sunshine and that is all we can do. Great Poem!

Could you scratch behind my ears too? I could really use the nurturing that you have oozing from this poem. It is hard to fight the forces of the microscopic world and they are winning. The pathogens that have infected most human minds are things we could have all done more to prevent. They will be our downfall.

Nice. Just one section I feel could be broken, as it seems too long without any punctuation.

"The tom was rubbing

his mangy head

against my legs

as I shuddered

with a repulsion

I hope Jesus never felt

when laying hands on lepers."

perhaps..

The tom was rubbing

his mangy head

against my legs.

I shuddered,

with a repulsion

I hope Jesus never felt

when laying hands on lepers.