I need some help...so lost.?

Question

I have 3 wonderful kids, ages 6,4 &2. I decided to homeschool our kids before I had them, it's just something I felt very strongly about. Anyways, the kids love it, when I actually do get to school. When I do get to school is the key word here, cuz I can't keep consistent with that. Part of me dreads all the work it can require sometimes. Well, the other thing is, my house is a mess...not just a lil sloppy, I mean a mess. Crumbs, clothes, sticky and ants in the corner carrying away remnants of someone's snack, dishes piled high, laundry as well piled in every room, everything scattered, toys underfoot, and writing on the walls. Sounds like the kids took over, which in essence, is true. I am supposed to be the one in control, but the more time goes by, the less motivated I am, and the less drive I have for life. The other thing is, my husband works EVERYDAY. No days off, and he isn't too eager to come home. Can't blame him, but it didn't always use to be this way. Anyways, when the house gets this messy, he becomes distant...dramatically so. Not like he was such a loving husband in the first place. He is turned off by my weight (understandable), but so much so that he won't touch me...until the house looks cleaner, and he needs his sex..then he goes for it...and thats it. I am a tall girl, and big boned...but overweight a lot... not like so bad that I can't walk or move without gasping, but big enough ya know. ANyways, this guy I married is like just a room mate to me now, and I am personal maid to him. He gives me absolutely NO support in homeschooling, never an encouraging word, NEVER to me.... nothing to show ANY caring of any kind. Only constant criticizing, nagging,nitpicking & complaining. Now, our kids really need their schooling...More the 6 year old, but they need education. I know where I need to be in order to provide this homeschool environment for them, but trouble is...I can't seem to get there. No matter what, I am always depressed...I can't seem to get out of not having any ambition for anything. My marriage is pointless, I feel like a single mom. I have to do EVERYTHING for the kids and with the kids. When he is home, he just wants to sit on his skinny *** the rest of the night...sort of understandable, he's been working...ya he can relax for a while, but he is a father after all, and his kids do need some time with him, right? Well, in his opinion, an hour or so, or just putting one to bed, is enough. As things worsen between him & I; the less patience he has for the kids, and the less he spends time with them. Now knowing this, you'd think it'd at least motivate me a little to want to push and clean the house no matter what and to lose some weight maybe...but nope. For some reason, I am stuck. Why? I feel like I serve no purpose anymore, and that my poor kids are in need of so much, but get so little. I homeschool them, but not everyday. Days go by in between doing anything. We just do errands, go to parks, watch TV, hang out and visit family in between the days I get to do homeschooling. The 6 year old is going to a co-op thing and needs to know how to read before then. AND I havn't tAUGHT HIM TO YET......I have started, but I keep letting all this time go in between lessons...and I keep getting so manically depressed. I do NOT want to send the kids to public school. I know it sounds like a good solution, but I KNOW that they would benefit most from this homeschooling if I could only do it right! I feel so alone. I haven't any friends at all. I know some homeschoolers, I bring the kids every friday to baseball game that some of the homeschooled kids play in, but that's not enough. The kids need more socialization...I need a good friend.....which I thought would have been my husband, but that ship has sailed, docked and burned up. He will only be loving (and by loving I mean, he won't mind sitting next to me and briefly touching me, talking, and sharing the details of his day with me, or wanting to have sex a little more often)...if I can keep up with the dishes, and the house is looking more tidy, and he's got more clothes in his dresser. I am so pathetic..I, being a stay-at-home mom, believe that I can do the dishes, laundry,basic housework, and most of the homeschooling, but I have such a hard time doing the basic chores,, and keeping up with laundry....it's so frustrating. No matter how caught up I get, i still fall behind, pathetically so. I haven't been caught up with all laundry since I can't remember. There is so much housework to do...I gt overwhelmed....I end up just laving it as is and sitting down with the kids and watching tv or just leaving the house before I ever cleaning up. I guess what I wanted to know is, are there any moms out there who homeschool, or have homeschooled and can give advice? I feel like a single mom, the only difference is i am not bringing home a paycheck.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Change your focus from him to you and your kids. The rest will fall into place.

Have you thought about using video lessons to homeschool? This would make it easier on you.

Make a list of what you need. Life is short. Concentrate on yourself for now and your children. Set your kids down and have a long talk with them. Your husband is going to have to be next. Have a long talk with him. If he doesn't want to change, you will have to make some hard choices in the future.

Try http://www.enchantednotionsbooks.com for some used homeschooling books. If you decide to go with the video lessons, these will make it cheaper.

Make a schedule out for your days. And stick with it. Realize that you are just one person.

Also never underestimate the power of God. Pray, pray, pray. Find a church to start attending if you don't already have one. Give these problems to God. He can turn it all around.

Search online for your state for a homeschooling group and start going. It will be good for the kids to socialize and good for you to be around other moms going through the same stuff.

Evangeline · Answer

I agree that your lack of motivation and focus could be situational depression. Talk to your doctor. Even a little help, getting over this bumpy patch, might be what you need.

I can understand your desire to home school your kids, but you really can't play fast and loose with their needs, if you're struggling to meet them, for whatever reason. You may want to consider a temporary enrollment for your eldest. You can always start to homeschool him again, once you're feeling a little more confident and capable. 

Try to pull together some sort of routine, it will help you feel more in control, and not so frustrated about all the things falling behind on your list. 

And lastly, go easy on yourself. 3 kids, a house and a husband can be a full-time job, and if you're struggling right now, it's okay to consider alternative (and temporary) options. Your kids should be priority one. Make sure their needs are being met fully, even if that means utilizing the school district for a while, and don't beat yourself up if things aren't perfectly the way you'd hoped and planned. 

In most houses, if Mom's not happy, nobody is happy, so get creative and stay open to help and support from any angle until you find the one that works for your family.

Dragonsnatch · Answer

testTwice, now, I have written lengthy, sympathetic answers, and I can't get them posted.  I am sorry.

YOU ARE NOT PATHETIC!  CAN I AT LEAST TELL THIS POOR LADY TO KEEP HER CHIN UP, Y/A?

Ok, one more try:  Your house sounds exactly like mine, ants and all.  You're one person, cleaning up after five.  The tide of filth and mess and dishes and laundry is unstemmable - it's not about you being lacking, somehow.  If your hubby can't be bothered to be caring unless your house looks like a hotel room, I suggest you hand him a god d@mn mop and tell him to knock himself right the f*ck out.  YOU WORK ALL DAY EVERY DAY TOO.

Home-schooling. .. of course your kids will benefit.  But they will also benefit at public school from a "social" education, as you said.  You do not specify your reasoning behind your decision - I would seriously reexamine the choice.  If an obvious solution to several of these problems is staring you in the face, it seems foolhardy or at least stubborn to refuse to consider it.  Perhaps a chat with the local school's pricipal and teachers will help you weigh the question more accurately (more info can only help).

I feel for you, it makes me very sad to see you call yourself pathetic.  You're not.  You're depressed, overworked, and stressed out to the max.  You need a break, and some more support - not this self-reproachfulness.  If you aren't on an anti-depressant, or talking with a therapist, I urge you to do so.  It's the airplane is crashing theory:  you have to put your own Oxygen mask on before you can really help anyone else. You need to make caring for yourself a priority, Honey.

I wish I had better advice for you - as to your marriage?  Well, two people have to want to make it better.  All you can do is communicate - if he doesn't even care enough to try to improve the marriage, well. . . if you already feel like a single parent (I would too), perhaps it's time to really consider the pros and cons of parting ways.  I am sorry for it, it hurts no matter what.

Chin up, girl.  You're not alone, and you're *certainly* not pathetic.

Miss_Suzy · Answer

I have never home-schooled, so I can't give you any advice on how to do it
But, I know people who have done it , and they tell me that it isn't easy , and I can see that it is very difficult for them and the kids
They all eventually ended up sending their kids to school
And these were people with a college education
I do know alot about life and it sounds like you need to reorganize your life and priorities
You may have your reasons for wanting not wanting to send your kids to school, but if you are so overwhelmed that you cant even keep up with the housework, you won't be doing your children any favors if you try to home school them but end up watching tv all day
If you are still determined that you want to do this, the only advice I can give is to connect with other parents who home-school either on line or talk to people you know. Maybe they can share material and advice with you.
But first and foremost, you should spend the summer getting your home organized and clean and getting caught up with he laundry. That is the single most important thing you can do right now for your family.

grinnon · Answer

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Karen · Answer

Sounds like you are suffering from depression in which case medication might be of help to you.  Talk to your doctor about how you are feeling and get on some meds asap.  If you don't get yourself together you need to put your kids into regular school.  If you don't then they are going to fall drastically behind and that will not benefit them at all.  They need to be learning certain things NOW, not when you get to it.

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I need some help...so lost.?

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