If You Were In My Shoes, How Would You Handle This Request From Birth Mother ?

Its up to you, if you dont want to go that is your choice. . But keep in mind this was the "Babyscoop Era" where unwed mothers were shipped off to maternity homes, ill treated. Often they were not allowed to see their babies and were told to ever speak of the shame again. Hence that could be why your mother didnt want her husband to find out.

It's really up to you. I always end up forgiving people that hurt me when they want to be a part of my life again. I care, even knowing they don't or couldn't have. I'm always there for people when they need me and it would bother me if I tried to ignore them and continue with my life. Believe me I've tried very hard. My ex left me 3 times, said he never had any feelings for me and didn't care if he was hurting me every time and I still kept taking him back. I know that probably makes me sound really stupid but I was the one who cared and stayed and didn't hurt him. Now there's no way he can contact me and I did that just so I'd never be in that position again, and it wasn't easy. If you don't go see her, later on you might wonder what would have happened or what would she have said. If I was in your place, I would go see her but the decision is yours because nobody can really feel what you feel or know exactly what you went through.

i could ask her if she could comply with make this a bypass to of discovery the place she would be able to place aside her discussions of religion and inspire each family participants member to share a number of their studies and pictures. tell her you experience that your relationship is lacking communique and a reciprocal relationship. In return, tell her which you will take in some analyze with regard to the religious subjects she has shared with you interior the previous. tell her she has shared sufficient tips and you choose her to have faith which you will make the alternative you experience is sturdy for you and your loved ones. BTW, please examine different sources because it somewhat is going to extra effective your existence to strengthen a private relationship with God. to boot, it disturbs me that she says she is a prophet. The Bible tells us the sign of a actual prophet is that even though they show or prophesy, happens!! all the others are fake.

Honestly, I believe that you are giving too much of yourself to your emotions. The things that she said to you before, about not wanting to have a relationship with you or that her husband could never find out about you, makes me think that she's trying to hide that time in her life from everyone else and trying to lie to herself and pretend she was a different person than she actually was and most likely still is. What I mean is, it's more that's she's trying to hide herself (or parts of herself) from him and the rest of the world, that doesn't have anything to do with who you are or anything that you did. She gave you to your adopted family, and in turn made you the person that you are today. The reason that I say you're giving too much of yourself to your emotions is because, when you think about the bad things, your emotions will hang on to that and it's going to ultimately hurt you.

As an "abandoned" child myself, I used to get really angry about my mom leaving and my dad never even wanting to meet me, or the fact that I'm never allowed to know who he even is. I used to wonder if he was someone I already know, and it would consume me. As I got older, I realized that I was and am so grateful for the way that I grew up, and would not change that to who knows what it would have been like if I had grown up with them. And, I realized that forgiving her/him, wasn't all that I needed to do. I needed to focus on what I had all along, and when I did the pain wasn't there anymore and those thoughts are not important enough to enter my mind. I forgave my mother along time ago and now we actually have a relationship, not a close one, but what happened never enters my mind now.

I'm sorry to hear that she's ill and hopefully she'll get a miracle and be fine. But, one thing that you could do to help yourself is to stop thinking of your moms in A and B terms. Think of the one who took you and raised you and loved you, as your Mom. Even if you must call mom b Mom, don't let the word tug on your heart strings. Think of her as a member of your family that you aren't very close with, and realize that if her diagnoses is true, then you may not get another chance.

If you decide to go, realize that you're respecting her, and giving her a shot. What she does with it, well that's up to her, if she says something that seems in attempt to hurt you (smile, do not let it get to you, because....sheww think of what a life living with her would have been like then and be grateful that she brought you into this world and gave you a better life with someone else). However, don't go into it thinking she's going to, she may be just fine, and actually want to tell you the truth rather than spouting out harsh things in attempt to push you away, and hide. She may tell you things you may have never known otherwise.

Sorry this is so long, kinda opinionated about this subject. But in short, I would go, you can never turn back time and get a chance to redo it, but if you do go remember what I said and keep your emotions at bay, don't let things hit to the heart, good or bad. Take the first step.

It's one visit, maybe an hour or two, out of an entire lifetime. So, yeah, I would go see her while the opportunity exists. You don't have to go back for a second visit, especially if she's disrespectful or unloving. But once, yes, if only so you don't spend the rest of your life wondering, "What if...?"

Family is family man. You can't turn your back on someone in need of your help. You need to be the bigger person and see her. Even though she has been not the best mum she must of cared enough for you to live a good life.

It's all up to you but family is family

Your real mom is probably a victim herself. A victim of life, of bad parents, of having got pregnant 50 years ago when it was a shame on the person and on the family, when the fathers ran a mile as soon as they heard the woman they promised the world to get her into bed was pregnant.

There was a time (and it is still like that today) when people did not know the difference between love and hatred because they were threshed by their parents as kids. They thought bad treatment were normal, akin to love.

Yes, you have reasons to turn her offer down. But life has changed. We are today and not 50 years ago. Your mom has mellowed. She has time to think about what she'd done. It probably broke her heart, but she never admited it. Victims don't like to speak about what was done to them. Most Concentration camp survivors never spoke a word about their ordeals.

If you don't do it for her, do it for yourself. Will you fogive yourself once she is dead.

Meet her and reflect about adoption. Is it really such a good thing?

I wish you loads of courage. Good luck!

Go see her. If for nothing else, to ease your conscious for the rest of your life.

You weren't dying then, she is. Not comparable. What she did is horrible. If you do not do it it's downright evil. As if knowing you're going to die soon isn't bad enough, adding something like that into the mix is even worse. Get over it and see her, and after she dies you can hate her again.

I think you need to think again about the reasons you tried to contact her in the first place......

You have the chance now to talk to her, to make your peace and to have your questions answered, if you miss this opportunity, you loose that chance forever this time.

Go see her, make your peace and allow her to make her peace too.

Go and have the adventure, you owe HER nothing, granted, but you owe yourself the discovery...