Religious friend shunned after divorce, what was he supposed to do?

Question

I have a friend that was born and raised baptist.  His parents homeschooled their children for religious reasons and all that fun stuff.  With that kind of background, he decided that when he grew up, he'd become a minister and went to bible college for it.  He completed it, all set to go.  He found a girl, got married, she became pregnant, had the baby.  After about a year or so, she became physically abusive to him (hitting him, throwing things at him, etc) and cheated on him multiple times with different people (according to her).  He ended up filing for a divorce which got him pretty much disowned from his family, his eligibility of becoming a minister was revoked, and he was chased out of his church that he had been going to his entire life.

I'm not a religious person, but I really want to know what he was supposed to do instead.  He married someone he dated for a few years and after she had a child, she completely changed.  I understand that when you get married, you make a promise to God.  Also, a paternity test showed that the child is not even his but because he was still the child's father for the time they were together, he still supports him financially and emotionally (which I cannot believe but I guess he's a better person than I am).  I feel terrible for him, his whole life has been turned upside down and I'm trying to understand why he was shunned so badly.  I get it, he and his wife both made a promise to God when they were married, and I'm assuming that he "should have kept his promise to God even though she broke hers" but what was he supposed to do?  Buy a house with a room over the garage away from their family so she can procreate with strangers and he can raise those children as well?  While being assaulted whenever she feels?  What's the alternative?

She also came from a religious family, but probably not to the extent of his.

Please be serious, I don't want to see catholic people bashing baptist people, atheists bashing christians, etc, etc.  Thanks.

Jyo · Accepted Answer

He could have done nothing different. No one need bear with lawlessness out of love.
Mistakes happen from all people. From my background karmic effects carry forward from past life times as well as our actions in this life time. It is for each to forgive ourselves and others every circumstance and let be. Everyone is given a challenge to outgrow. Only he can bear with what he is going through (I mean others cannot do it for him). He has a good friend in you who is concerned for him. And I suppose he has his strength within from what he has learnt about religion, faith etc.
All the best to your friend.

Paul · Answer

Well to begin with he should have been more discerning in who he married and tried to get the help for her necessary, if she abused him he should have showed the bruises to the authorities and had her arrested, as it is she's on the streets seducing other guys and abusing them?  He should have had the backbone to admit that he was being abused (now I understand most men don't want to admit that it's hard for anyone to admit but anyone who has aspirations of being a leader has to rise above everyone else).

It is not a sin to get divorced so I don't understand why there's a problem in the church.  The bible does however say that divorce and remarriage is likened to adultery.  If he had re-married then I can certainly see some churches having a problem.

There is a scripture:

1 Timothy 3:5   5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?)

That would definitely preclude him from being able to lead any self respecting church that follows the scriptures.  If a person wants to be in a position of leadership in a church offering marital counselling for people who are going through a rough time with their marriage and that person has a failed marriage who do they think they are to offer advice?

Your friend most definitely should not have been shunned or asked to leave the church but he most definitely should not have been allowed to lead it.  That would be like putting someone who had a poor credit history in charge of the Bank of England or the London Stock Exchange.  If a person can't manage their own finances how can they manage a company's or a country's finances?

BTW Just because he can't be a leader there are plenty of other roles he could take that could serve his church without being in a position of pastoral authority, for example he could be in charge of the finances, in charge of the venue or any one of a plethora of other functions.  If the church shunned him there may have been other issues going on.

? · Answer

He should have divorced her.  Nobody is obligated to stay with an abusive and unfaithful spouse.  And if his church threw him out, then good riddance to the church.  I wish him good luck in finding an entirely new and sensible way of life

Nous · Answer

You do not have to live with a partner!

The vows were to God and were unconditional!

He could easily have moved out and maintained his vows!

But then sadly Bad Christians find excuses for divorce and so many are on their second and third marriages!

2 Shepherds · Answer

What most don't understand is that there are indeed spiritually valid reasons for divorce, and they include adultery, abuse and abandonment.  I am sorry your friend was so badly treated by his fellowship.  Where there should have been support and encouragement, there was extreme rejection.

Anonymous · Answer

Distance yourself from these mind control cults.

Anonymous · Answer

He should come out of the closet.

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Religious friend shunned after divorce, what was he supposed to do?

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