Help with depression?

Okay, first thing first. I want you to please STOP putting on a facade of being totally happy. Believe me I know why you do it and I used to do it myself and everyone thought the same thing and everyone thought I was nice and yada, yada, but at the end of the day I was miserable and so are you. Basically you deserve better than "just pretending" to enjoy life - you deserve to actually enjoy it.

Here's the other thing. The areas in your life that are problems can be resolved but I think that you may be overlooking the fact that IF you are clinically depressed (meaning you have a chemical imbalance that is causing this) then you can't really just perk yourself up on your own. It's like having a really bad sore throat but you just try to think positive thoughts and hope you'll get over it instead of going to the doctor to get some antibiotics! Just as if you get physically sick, it is your parents' responsibilities to get you the help you need for any depressed feelings you are having. You have a right to feel depressed and you also have the right to demand help for yourself. You can't do it alone. If your parents are not helpful then you need to go and talk to either your guidance counselor or a teacher you trust because at 16 you should not be dealing with this by yourself.

You have a LOT going on right now and it's no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed. 5 AP classes is a lot to deal with so is it possible that you could downgrade at least one to just an honors or even a regular class? You could look at it like this - colleges want a well-rounded student so if you perhaps don't overload yourself with these killer classes and allow yourself a little time to get involved in something else then that actually makes you more attractive to a college. Speaking of college, unfortunately there are just some situations that suck and being gay in an intolerant high school is one of them. If you can get the help you need to get the heck out of there and go to college, trust me you will find there is an entirely different world there where you will have a LOT in common with other students - gay or otherwise, but first we have to get you there before you have a breakdown! Don't worry about your appearance or your "accent" or anything like that because believe it or not your body is still changing and all that awkward teenager crap goes away eventually. Just stop comparing yourself to other people because you don't know what's really going on in their homes, their minds or even if a few years from now they will even be on this earth - live your own life and don't worry about what anyone else is doing with theirs.

Okay and finally (sorry this is so long) please understand that an INTERESTING person is a life-long learner. Meaning that if you are 1/2 as awesome as I think you are then you will be trying things FOR THE FIRST TIME well into your 70's or 80's. Don't ever tell yourself that it's too late for anything. JUST TRY. Go on youtube, watch a whole bunch of Lacrosse (if you can do that without falling asleep then you deserve to be on that team) and when its time for tryouts let the coach know that you are enthusiastic and willing to give it 1000%. That's ALL he can ask for. I don't know where you live but we (in the midwest) have gymnastics classes for teens and adults. Nobody there is trying to get into the olympics but they are trying it because it's an interest they have. Heck, try it and if you suck, either keep at it until you don't or try something else. Heck try a LOT of things, try playing the guitar, baking cakes, doing voice over acting, get a hula hoop - WHATEVER you want. Never be afraid to make a fool of yourself - only boring people don't take chances - and you are not boring my friend.

But first, before you do all of those amazing things and proceed to have an amazing life - get help for that "sore throat" (aka depression) so you won't have anything standing in your way.