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Would you care to comment/critique this poem?
"Origin Story"
Rain pour down and quench my thirsty soul.
Men are fighting Heaven's wars,
speaking profane dreams,
defying light.
By our imagination
gods and science contradict.
In truth they are the same;
are we not born of Spirit and of Earth?
How long will we defy
that which we see before us?
In our ignorance we build another Tower,
armed with swords
called Logic and the Mind,
claiming all we see with flags and standards...
yet nothing we possess
is without its point of origin.
The greatest truth is that we cannot know,
if we were gods death would not haunt this world.
I cannot cause a blade of grass to grow,
nor in and of myself give something birth.
Even these words are That Which Came Before,
a message to the masses with deaf ears.
Embrace our Father and our Mother both,
assuaging and destroying mortal fears.
5 Answers
- ?Lv 79 years agoFavorite Answer
This is extraordinarily akin to my own beliefs. I also think that certain elements of the spirit will be explained by science soon. But never all. Some mystery is required to keep the system pure. If that makes any sense. Somehow, I believe it might.
Another thought-provoking, well-written gem from you. You never disappoint.
- ?Lv 45 years ago
i don't understand if that's the hour of the day the physique of my recommendations as a results of fact the final chew loss of suited sustenance the rub down scientific care I won 4 hrs in the past or what yet i would be unable to won't be able to supply you a suited critique nor can i remark with any quantity of intelligence in this poetic offering different than to declare that's good
- Warren DLv 79 years ago
Very interesting thought and composition pattern.
I am a less technical reader of poetry, but tend to focus on the thoughts expressed. I see and hear wisdom along with a natural curiosity about where we all fit into this strange world in which we live.
Unlike animals, humans are curious about not only their surroundings but also what lies beyond them. You have expressed that curiosity while trying to address and answer it.
- Owned DreadLv 49 years ago
Nicely written good flow, I'm kinda exhausted too critique it so well,
But I think atm its great
Source(s): That smiely guy
