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Are these short poems poetic?
Okay, here are five very short poems. I hope you enjoy them. Tell me what you think of them please.
The love to stand the test of time
Is the love that will never be mine,
The hearts to brave the fiercest rain,
Are the hearts that solely will never be tamed,
And the desire to forge the longest path,
Is the desire to see no tears or laughs.
I know that we will never be one,
For I am not of your desire,
And the thoughts of me from you are none,
For I'm not the wood to your fire.
Dearest, dearest, dearest boy,
To love you is to be unwise.
Dearest, dearest, dearest boy,
Life me from my ceaseless sighs.
The thought of repelled amour sends me to the floor but I know there will be more and heart-filled gore.
To write a happy poem is to be a happy self,
And to pen a joyful poem is to be in good health.
Yet to write a love-laced work is to be full of hearts,
And when love's rejected is when the melancholy starts.
Can you give me some constructive criticism and then tell me what you think please? Thanks in advance. x3
2 Answers
- 9 years agoFavorite Answer
I liked the first one. The others felt too stunted to me. With the first one I have some word choice advice:
The love/ to stand/ the test/ of time
Is the /love that /won't be /mine
The hearts/ that stand/ the fiercest/ rain
Are/ the hearts/ that won't/ be tamed
You'll notice that if you clap for each / that this word choice gives it a more steady flow.
- 9 years ago
I like the first two and the last one. I think you're off to a great start. :)
The last line of the third poem doesn't look right. "LIFE me from my ceaseless sighs" ? and it's okay to repeat words in some cases to make a very distinct & bold point, so I don't think it's "wrong" that you repeated dearest so much in this poem, but be careful about repetition in the future.
I noticed all five poems are about the same thing. I advise you to experiment and expand your subjects as you continue writing. Try writing about as many different things, experiences, and emotions as you can, and explore places you normally wouldn't with your writing. Remember that not all poetry has to rhyme, and that it's okay to write in more than just one style. I personally write free-verse but write rhyming poetry once in awhile just to mess around with it.
Good luck & keep writing <3 :)
