My friend's husband takes off his wedding ring when he's out...?

No innocence about it. He's doing it to attract women at the bar in an attempt to get lucky and cheat on his wife. Period. Stay silent about it for now, and depending on how much you are friends with the wife, you could interfere and tell her if you think it would help. Or get him alone and tell him you know what's going on and if he doesn't stop, you have no choice but to tell the wife on him.

What Jordan doesn't understand is that this is a very serious sign. Your husband is/ was clearly trying to pretend that he wasn't married. For what reason, who knows. The fact that at some point he was either ashamed or embarrassed to be a married man is a huge red flag. He may have not cheated on you that night, but he does sound like a potential cheater. BTW, cheaters often have very good sex lives at home, it's not about that. He could be a sex addict who can't get enough! You have no choice but to show him the photos, and ask him point blank why his ring was off. Why was he trying to appear un married? Then divorce his cheating ***.

Now is a really good time to stop the 'good ole boy' thing of guys knowing that other guys cheat OR WANT TO, and just 'staying out of it.' Yes, there would be other reasons a man MIGHT take off his ring..if it didn't fit, or his hand was swelling OR if he's gotten divorced! But I think you know this already...we just don't ever want to know 'bad stuff' and TRY HARD to think of ANYTHING 'logically' to explain bad behavior. I think our minds are made that way...to WANT good.

But this guy isn't being good...not to his wife and not to your husband and YOU either! Your husband apparently is 'his cover' in HIS mind anyway, and YOU being the wife's FRIEND have to answer questions in a vague or 'deceptive way' BECAUSE he chooses to lie and LETS FACE IT...CHEAT.

Do not EVER allow the bad behavior of another person to manipulate YOUR LIFE. His wife IS YOUR FRIEND and his actions make things 'rough' on the reputation of your husband too!!!

I think no matter what you do or DON'T do in the end, you two will lose the wife's confidence for at least a while. And when the friendship no longer matters...AFTER he gets 'discovered' then your husband will no longer have him as a friend anyway...if they break up he will move into the single scene and you won't fit into the picture.

I know this is a very controversial issue....but I have to go with my past experience here AND what I know about life...find a way to let her know what MIGHT be happening.

Don't allow him to make you an 'indirect' liar! Let her know you love your friendship and have to correct something....that your husband came home at midnight.

As the conversation will PROBABLY move forward from there...TELL HER he takes off his ring but you do not have any proof that he is cheating...you just do not want 'discrepancies' to come between your friendship.

DIFFERENT PEOPLE TAKE THINGS DIFFERENT WAYS...SHE MIGHT BE ANGRY AT YOU FOR A WHILE FOR MAKING HER HAVE TO FACE A HORRIBLE POSSIBLITY, or she might be grateful truly. All I can tell you is that WHEN it happened to me and I found out that even members of my own family 'knew things' when I DID NOT...it made me feel like a total fool and forever changed my thoughts about how much my family loved me and how LOYAL my friends really were. There were a COUPLE of people who I think TRIED to tell me but I mistook their actions as 'trying to make trouble' and dismissed their efforts. But after I knew the truth, I also BLESSED them as 'brave' and 'true' for trying to really be my friend.

Your husband will not want you to tell anything I am sure...but explain that it makes HIM the pawn of the other guy and ask him how he would feel if the situation was reversed and your friend went out with YOU and acted this way. ITS REALLY A MATTER OF HOLDING TIGHT to a kind of moral foundation that BUILDS 'good and happy' friendships and family. Taking that right road for the RIGHT reasons cannot cause horrible harm...it can only create happiness in the end.

Blessings,

Bunny7

It honestly depends on your relationship with the wife if you are really good friends.

Then I would simply mention that your husband was home by midnight that her husband must have stayed at the bar they were at.

You should check with your husband first to make sure that it won't cause problems in your own marriage.

But if you consider her a best friend I would tell her because there is only one reason a man takes his wedding band off when he's out and that is to pick up women. And there is a very very good chance he's cheating.

I'm sorry Bobbi, you didn't think "fast enough" when you were pointedly in conversation with this woman, you had the perfect opportunity to state your husband WAS home at midnite. End of story and let her take it from there. Should she later confide in you she suspects something, you can say that you don't know anything more and if she is intense on finding answers, it is YOUR husband she should be asking the questions of (though I would NOT offer this alternative, I would let her figure that out for herself)...Sooner or later, we both know? She's going to find out a myriad of details about his antics away from her, hm? Only a matter of time, particularly when he shows up at 3 a.m. in the morning!

The husband clearly has issues and the wife isn't 'catching' on quite yet, but by being honest about what YOUR husband did (home by midnite) that leaves her open to query HER husband so that you are left out of it to some degree. -And let's face it, the person to ask IS HER HUSBAND.

Were I your husband? I would be uncomfortable with his behavior and LIMIT my social drink now and again with him by coming home by 10 for the sake of appearances and keeping him (your husband) out of harm's way further. A reasonable hour...Further? Your husband needs to let him know, he's not a rat, but he doesn't appreciate being placed in ANY position of secrecy - PERIOD.

Grace

First of all...there's no "innocent" reason for a man (or woman) to remove a wedding ring on a night out without their spouse...period. It's clear that, although he might not be out and out cheating...he's certainly being unfaithful. You and your husband are already in a VERY precarious position, and I think your friend's husband either trusts you way too much...or he simply doesn't give a crap. Seriously...if I was you, I'd do the very thing you're considering....except I'd tell him to stop putting me and my husband in such a sh*tty position...or else you'll put HIM in one, and he can take that to mean anything he wants to, and do whatever he has to, to fix the situation; which doesn't have to mean coming clean with his wife...but definitely means to stop doing what he's doing...or get out of the marriage.

He is taking off his ring for one and only one reason: He is looking for sex and action. ...tell her to hire a private investigator when your husband and hers go out. If the pI finds anything which can use for a divorce, she must get rid of her bozoman.

No, there is no innocent reason to take your wedding ring off when out to the bars and clubs to party. It isn't like he is taking it off while doing hard labor and doesn't want to damage it, he is out at a social place and doesn't want to come across married. He is probably cheating, especially with the late returns home.

Now, to tell the friend or not. That's on you. She can welcome the news or be angry at the messenger. That is the thing for you to decide since you know her more than we do.

Now, are you sure you trust your husband hanging out with a man that specifically goes out to cheat? Is your husband standing in the corner alone watching this or actually socializing alongside the potential/possible cheater? Come on.....

Edit: Fine, be cool with your husband hanging out late at night with a man on patrol for women to screw. If he is uncomfortable with this guy doing this, he could stop going out with him, but he doesn't. Go ahead and trust him then.

I think it depends on how close you are with the other woman. If you two are good friends, as you said if it were you, you'd like to know, I think then you should mention what you do know: that her husband takes off his ring and speaks to women. It sounds innocent enough put that way but what raises a red flag is that he is using your husband to lie to his wife. That tells me something is going on. Good luck.