Husband says our marriage might end because I don’t clean enough.?

Question

I have noticed for the past few days my husband hadn’t been himself, so last night I jokingly said “you aren’t thinking about leaving me are you?” and he said “sometimes I think about it”. I was floored- I didn’t think anything was wrong!

He said he is very upset the way I maintain our house, that the mess makes him anxious and he doesn’t feel supported by me. 

We both work full time, and he earns 3 times what I make. He pays for the majority of the bills, however a half my pay goes to our shared expenses and the rest of my money pays for my individual expenses such as travel to work and personal bills. He is studying at night too, so he expects me to do all the housework. He thinks because he brings in the bacon, I should maintain the house. 

I don’t have an issue with this, but I do it on my time. I got home from work at 7:00pm last night, had my dinner, changed the cat litter, scrubbed the laundry floor where the litter is kept and took the rubbish to the bin. I then went to the gym, came home and prepared food for when he got home. There are other things that needed to be done such as folding the laundry (which I will admit had built up and really needs to be done) but the majority of it is his clothes and why do I have to do EVERYTHING! 

I mentioned what I had done, and he said that I was defensive and this is why he doesn’t talk to me about it.. because I just get upset. He said he thinks if we had children together our marriage would end because we would fight too much. 

I am really hurt.. I thought we were happy, and I feel like I spend my life trying to make him happy and feel supported but it is never enough.

Cats Rule The World · Answer

Take it from someone who has been there :

He is cheating.
He is using your lack of domestic slavery as an excuse to fight with you - making it your fault that he is cheating - he is trying to justify his own horrible behavior by making you the bad guy.

This will get worse.
It will never get better.
He will either admit he is cheating, or you will find out on your own. Of course he will deny it at first, then admit it, and tell you it's your fault for being such a bad housekeeper.


Bottom line - it's not your fault. You have done nothing wrong.

And he's cheating.

shellese2 · Answer

I think that it is really sad that he would consider ending your marriage over something that can quickly be remedied.  What if you guys sat down and made a schedule of household chores and responsibilities?  Actually write down what has to be done each week and when it will get done.  Are you sure that there is not some other underlying problem that he is not coming clean about?  When two people are in love, leaving shouldn't be that easily considered.  Especially over chores not being done in a timely fashion.  You should probably look more into this.

alialoggi · Answer

If you both work, you should both do the house work.  If he studies, maybe he doesn't do as much, but he should still do some.  You shouldn't be paying half of the bills if you only make a 1/3 of the income.  You are letting yourself be taken advantage of and this needs to change.  I think he is manipulating you but if you say nothing, and don't discuss your point, you are allowing it to happen.  Bring it up to him that this bothers you.  Don't argue, just discuss and see where this goes.  He doesn't want to leave you because you don't clean enough, he just wants to leave you and to blame you for not cleaning.  You will be very angry with yourself if you continue paying for half of everything, only to find that when he gets his degree, he leaves you anyway and that is seemingly what is going to happen.

? · Answer

Firstly if you had kids he would,nt know what a clean home was
They are so time consuming and untidy 
I would suggest as you both work full time 
You take equal share of chores no matter who earns what ?
He may have a better paid job than you 
But you work just as hard and as long as he does for less
If he respected how hard you worked towards your marriage
He would consider employing a daily help maybe once or twice a week 
Out of love and respect for what you do and contibute to your marriage

? · Answer

You both work fulltime and because he makes a larger amount, he doesn't have help around the house! Absolutey ridiculous, of course your feelings are hurt..the lack of realisation of what you do in the day is the issue, lack of appreciation, and not giving you any indication that there is anything wrong in the relationship...The lack of communication. He tried to turn this around on you so you feel at fault for everything, he knows he is wrong...but don't expect him to man up and admit to this. Best of luck, there has to be other underlying problems that need to be communicated..this was a minor surface problem.

I love winter · Answer

I don't think income should matter except that if you are both gone the same amount of hours then the chores should be shared. We each do our own laundry and even the kids did their own as soon as they could be taught. One thing off the list, ya know?   Mostly he does the outside chores and I do the inside but if he can help me he does and vice versa.  I could see his point if he worked 60 hours and you worked 20.  That would put you home more. Good luck to you on this one.

&lt;3star · Answer

Get a weekly housecleaner... My husband and I work looong hours still we BOTH do all the housework. On weekends I do a deep clean cause I love a clean house regardless my tiredness.

Not tonight · Answer

Don't have children with him.  It will not last.  The men pull the housekeeping card when they are desperate.  Been there, sick and TIRED of it.

PRINCESS · Answer

Oh Please he is just using that as an excuse I believe he is unhappy about something else. It has nothing to with your domestic skills.

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Husband says our marriage might end because I don’t clean enough.?

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