Christmas gift-giving etiquiette?

i wouldn't give them.

i'm sure your wife's impulse is a generous one, but i think it's misguided generosity if its result is to make the other parents feel guilty or indebted or as if they've been one-upped.

I agree with you completely. If the agreement is no gift exchange, then NO gifts should be exchanged, little or otherwise. I don't think she should give them a heads up, either, because then that puts pressure on them to go out and buy something, too.

If you get to wherever you're going and the others have bought gifts anyway, maybe you could offer to pay for dessert at dinner or pay for dinner itself instead. Act like you planned to do it all along. (LOL) OR she could wrap the small gifts, put them in her suitcase and leave them there unless others have broken the arrangement also.

What some families I know do is put everyone's name in a pot and have a gift exchange instead of having to buy for everyone.

you need to give them a heads up or better yet, stick to the agreement and not give. you should call and tell them your wife broke the agreement and see if anyone else did too. if you decide as a group to change the plan fine, but that is assumeing the other parents have the money to do it too. i hate when people do this, it makes me feel like a lowlife when they give me or my kids things and i don't have anything in return, even when they say its ok and don't worry about it, it still sucks.

I agree with you , if your kids dont get anything they will be sad / feel left out , and your cousins might feel some type of way that you made an agreement and broke it without telling them

I agree with you! you should at least give them a heads up!!