Help! My 3.5 year old is getting out of control!?

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with the posters that claim head banging is normal. As a mom of 5, and preschool teacher I have witnessed many a tantrum, but only a handful were like what you describe. You mention his speech is "getting better" how much of a delay is there? Some of the rage can come from an inability to express himself or move as he wants. That frustration IS fairly common in children who don't have the tools to express their wants, needs or feelings. You didn't mention any cognitive delays, so if those are not there I would imagine it would be even MORE frustrating, knowing what you want to say or do and not being able to accomplish it.

I'm sure that the psychologist will help you understand the causes as well as give you some tools to help prevent them and diffuse them when they do occur. Until then, when the rages start try to move him to an area away from other people that he may hurt. You might even want to give him something like a beanbag chair or a pile of pillows in the middle of the room and tell him he can be as angry as he wants to be in that area only.

Them thar apron strings be there one long time, huh? When did you finally decide to be your own person? When you take control of your life and your children, then, you are an adult. At this point you're still her child with children, and mama is still running your life. Sweetie, you need language to get your independence. At 35, that ought to have occurred 14 years ago, with the birth of your first child. I'd suggest you get some counseling, learn the "broken record" for your insistence on what you wish your mom to stop doing, and do what you know is correct. Your mom will treat you as a child, as long as you allow it. And you have allowed it one very long time. There is one very large difference between helping you, and running the show. From his posting, she's a control freak.... and I'd guess there is no man in her life at this time. Usually this sort of controlling behavior is saved for a son, so I am guessing you are her only child, or all she has is daughters. And you are the daughter who allows it. Good luck, hon. She isn't teachable, she is trainable. And you'll need some help.

Does your son have an IEP and receive services through your local school district? If so, you should request another IEP meeting to address his behavioral needs. This can be done by calling or writing to the director or special education. By law the school must have an IEP meeting within 60 days.

It sounds like your son and you would benefit from having a functional behavioral analysis completed, which will look at his behavioral needs. Family training and counseling can also be added to an IEP to address concerns that occur at home. These services are typically only available to preschoolers so I would request them now.

Your son may be acting out because he is unable to communicate his wants and needs or he is frustrated because he lacks motor skills to do something.

As odd as this sounds put him in a room when he does this with nothing he can break or use to hurt himself and let him go. He may have development issues but when he sees no one is paying attention to him he will stop. The tantrums are to get what he wants. He asked, you said no, he stomped his foot, you said no, so he goes off. Tell him, "you cannot have this" and put him in the room. Ignore him, do not acknowledge his tantrum. The first few times he might go for an hour. It will he hard but he will get the picture. Beatings and arguing do not work in this situation. If you stay calm he will follow.

My oldest son did this until he was almost 4. All kids throw tantrums and some just decide to start banging their heads on floors and banging stuff. Throwing things is normal also. I tried at first to stop him while he was doing that stuff, but that was just giving him the attention he wanted from doing it in the first place. He won't bang his head to much longer or throw things when he realizes he doesn't get your attention (so ignore it). Then after he is calm you bring up his behavior from moments ago and talk about how he could hurt himself, or how throwing things is wrong. Curbed my sons tantrums in less than 3 weeks.

Could be tired,

something may be bothering him and may not know how to tell you,

May need more active things to do

When he gets cranky and you don't know why, distract him with something fun and active,( if he wasn't misbehaving befor getting cranky). Don't give into him when misbehaving.

This is normal. I watch a 3 1/2 yr old, he does the same. Polite one min and cranky and bossy the next.