help help help help help?

Seriously, though.

Okay so I'm writing rhetorical precis for english and I need to know if I punctuated this sentence correctly:

Slay supports this idea by giving many examples of how Stevens has complete respect for his father, and how, to him, his father is the epitome of a perfect butler; someone to try to be exactly like so that Stevens, too, can achieve greatness.

It is supposed to be "very long" says my teacher.

Also, if you know what a rhetorical precis is, is this one correct:

Jack Slay Jr., in “Ishiguro’s The Remains of the Day” (1997), describes that Stevens’ definition of dignity and lack of emotion results from his relationship with his father. Slay supports this idea by giving many examples of how Stevens has complete respect for his father, and how, to him, his father is the epitome of a perfect butler; someone to try to be exactly like so that Stevens, too, can achieve greatness (“Ishiguro’s The Remains of the Day”). The writer would like the reader to understand that Stevens’ actions and viewpoints come from observing his father’s work throughout his life ( Slay “Ishiguro’s The Remains of the Day”). Slay’s article is aimed towards an audience of literary critics so that they may receive a more in-depth explanation of how the relationship and actions between Stevens and his father has shaped Stevens’ life.

Thanks!