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Is there something wrong with me that I always put others happiness before my own?
For years I was married, and I would just swallow things that annoyed me, I would always try to make sure my husband was happy did everything I could think of to make him happy and be a good wife. Unfortunatly that same caring didnt get returned and I after 17 years together decided that I deserved to have that same kind of person.
I just ended a two year relationship with an abusive man, that I tried helping. I knew he had some issues going in but I thought knowing his backround and the abuses he endured would help me heal him.. I let many smacks, punches and downright beatings go because I didnt want to see him end up on the street since he didnt have a job. He had no money or a car. I didnt want to see him locked in jail because I hadnt found the best way to make him happy and bring him out of his stupor. I realize now that I was an ***.
But now I have a friend who was supposed to stay with me short term since deciding she no longer wanted to be married. She needed a place to clear her head and I wanted to help her out I told her that I would be there for her if she needed it. But she has not been dealing with her marraige or doing any soul searching.. She has been obssessively meeting up with other men, traveling to see people she knows from her online game guild, drinking every night, smoking in my house, BRING STRANGERS into my home. I am a single Mom, and though my kids are not home when this goes on it really goes againts my morals and values. I want to be a good friend but I dont want to be used for this type of behavior. Lending a couch has turned into her moving her things in and I just keep smiling yet not saying whats really on my mind because I want to keep her happy?!
Why the hell do I do this to myself, and why is it so hard for me to just be honest about who I am what my limits are without it getting out of hand, and me ending up losing relationships, friends and so forth?
1 Answer
- CharlesLv 68 years agoFavorite Answer
In this life, your first obligation is to yourself, not others. Second, comes your child. Other people aew WAY down the list of priorities. That's not selfish; it's normal and healthy.
Why put yourself first? Here's an analogy: when you fly, the stewardess always says "In case of a drop in cabin pressure, put YOUR oxygen mask on first, then your child's. That's because you can't do good for your child if you're passed out.
People like you have a weak sense of their own identity and weak boundaries. They're constantly trying to affiliate with other people because they're trying to replace something missing in themselves. In addition, they let other people transgress into their own psychic "space" for the same reason. I have no idea why you're that way, but that's not as important as learning to NOT be that way. It's not a matter of shutting people out of your life. It's about becoming solid with yourself, and knowing who you are.
You are not on this earth to rescue people. You're here to become the best person you can be, and to raise your child to be an independent, self-sufficient adult.
