Should I divorce my wife?

Question

I'm 50, she's 45, this is a first marriage for both of us. At first, I was really exicited by the demographics of our situations: She'd never been married, I'd never been married. She's never had kids, I've never had kids. She's never had a subrance abuse issue, I've been sober for over a decade. She's never smoked, I quit smoking 9 years ago. I thought: WHEN am I going to get this chance again??! I thought I had all the bases covered, I even went to her and said "Full disclosure: how much do you owe? I am debt free." She looks around and says "Well, here it is." and the documents had her owing about $7,000 in student loans. I thought, that's not so bad. When she graduated college, it turned out that she really owes $40,000 in student loans and $10,000 in credit card debt. 
     I really don't think she intentionally misled me, I think she wasn't astute enough to correctly state the measure of her own debt. Since then, she's shown no motivation for disposing of that debt at all. She won't work a second job, when she inherited a bit of money she wouldn't pay it towards the loans. And she's not striving very hard for a career in education, which is her degree. She's working at the Head Start program, which is good, I guess, but it's not the same as being a teacher, employed by the State.
     The more I write here, the more I can see that I'd be just a nut to stay. But what a shame. I waited until I was 47 to get married. How could it have all gone so wrong? 
     The state contated her half a year after she graduated for her to start servicing her debt, and she got a stay for a year. That year comes to an end this summer. Starting then, I'll have to pay $500 a month on this, if I'm still with her. 'Course, if I leave, she could pretty easily get an attorney and slap me with half her debt (I'm guessing). Another option is to move in with her aunt and simply start being a slave to my wife's student loans. 
    But if I left, I would be free. It might be a hassle, but I was not given the full picture coming into this. But then I'd be a 50-year-old divorcee.

ching c · Accepted Answer

Marriage isn't about facts, figures or sums- its about love, and affection. Divorce should be the last resort, not the first and not to satisfy your bank balance.

Anonymous · Answer

The reason marriages are not working in this day and age is because people think work isn't involved.  I think she may need help and guidance with her debt and instead of facing it because she may feel overwhelmed she is simply not dealing with it and trying to ignore it.  I think that if you guys can look up a number for a financial adviser or if you can start making some charts and offer hope and a little guidance.  A lot of people are in debt, her debt is nothing compared to some of my closest friends, some people after their masters degree are in over 100,000 just in college loans, that is not credit card.  If you leave her your going to find another challenge in the next relationship and it might be 100 times worse, it's just life.  You sound like a smart guy and I think if you start researching how to get these debts down and try fighting this as a team, instead of viewing her as the bad guy.  You need compassion and patience in relationships.

Doyle · Answer

Hey lighten up! I'm a 50 year old divorcee. Mine was a liar and a cheater with impulse control problems. I guess if you got to go then that's what you got to do. However, if this is the only problem then you don't have a problem. Go to one of those legal offices that specialize in getting you out from under your S.L. and get her involved in credit counseling. One of the ways of dealing with the overwhelming is denial. Sounds like your wife is all over that. If you work together you CAN get through it. But only you can make that decision. cheers.

Larry E · Answer

Yeah you should. Obviously you are one of those people that value money over anything else in life. With this way of treating loved ones you should be a 50 year old divorcee.

Anonymous · Answer

So you waited until you were 47 and then you find out she has more debt then she disclosed.

I noticed you don't mention the word "LOVE". That's kinda odd. Did you marry for comfort? Did you marry for companionship? Because if you loved her, you wouldn't consider divorce because she owes more money than you thought. 
Personally, I think you are more worried about YOUR money than love.

? · Answer

I don't think she can slap you with half of her debt.  It was incurred before you got married and this can be proven

I have no idea why her personal debt is such an issue.

KidsMama · Answer

I think that you either need to set up a budget plan, or separate accounts so you have your own money, and she has her own. She needs to pay down her bills.
Good Luck.

Anonymous · Answer

so  you're not in it for the  "for better or for worse"  you just didn't understand marriage is about love and union?


am i getting this straight here?

? · Answer

I have a feeling you married her because she didn't have any baggage or so you tout...you didn't marry her because you love her.

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Should I divorce my wife?

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