How do i approach this?

Question

Best answer goes to whoever puts the most compassion and thought into their answer.

My wife and i moved into her grandmother's house over a year ago, when her grandmother passed away. My wife's parents were concerned that someone would break in and steal, and/or make Meth in the home. 

It's a beautiful home and i love it there with one exception. My mother in law is a compulsive hoarder and her husband is too apparently. 

We were told if we moved in and paid the utilities we could live in it and do whatever we liked. Paint it,etc but we can't even get our stuff moved in because they won't let us get rid of any of the old furniture that we dislike. 

My wife doesn't want to be a hoarder and i have a cleaning ocd. So I've been suffering all kinds of stress and anger associated with having no control over the clutter in our home. I just want to toss it all but can't because it's all my father in laws mother's belongings. 

I don't know how to let them know compassionately that i cannot tolerate this clutter and by forcing us to keep it i feel lied to. They lied to me, this is not living like we want. 

My wife is the only child of an only child so the house is rightfully hers when her father passes away. I don't understand why they want to force this on us. They don't look at the stuff and can't take it home because their home is already cluttered to pathways.

Danielle · Accepted Answer

They may be attached to the stuff in the home because they miss your mother and father in law and throwing it away would be like they are really gone. That being said, they have no right telling you how to live in your house! It's a tricky situation..maybe you can put everything in a storage unit and tell them that you understand that they may have some emotional ties to these things so they can have the storage unit which they will be paying for since it is now theirs. Make it seem like it's a gift to them instead of a way for you to get rid of everything. If they don't want to pay for the unit then it doesn't really mean that much to them and they are just being controlling nut jobs.

? · Answer

I guess I don't understand why you would let your mother in law and father in law move in with you when they have a house of their own? Try explaining to them that you understand their attachment to the furniture but it just can't stay with you, and if they insist on staying with you they will have to go along with your wishes for everything to work.  I don't know if putting it in storage is possible, if it is I'd try that. Otherwise the only option you have is to take the furniture to your in laws house and get it in there some how. Then you need to call a social worker who specializes in hoarding. They can help with the decluttering of the house. Hoarding is a serious mental condition that can be difficult to treat,
but it can be treated with professional help.

Good Luck,
Grandpa Mike

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How do i approach this?

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