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Husband and I are separated. Should I tell him Happy Birthday?
My husband and I are separated. He moved out two months ago.
In that two months, we have been dating on the weekends.
Last weekend he showed up for a date an hour late, without calling, and expected me to be fine with it. This has been a problem that has plagued our relationship from the beginning.
I told him that his behavior was rude and disrespectful. He yelled at me, took the rest of his belongings, and left.
He is a very good man. However, he is incredibly self-serving, and has always put me last.
I love him with my whole heart, but he cannot seem to get past the fact that I am his wife and our marriage is to be honored. He puts his parents, his children, and his first wife above me. I am a mere convenience for him.
Anyway, when he left on Sunday, angry that I would not allow myself to be treated with disrespect and put myself at his convenience, he texted me and told me to have a nice life and he would always love me.
I texted him back and said that love puts the other person first, and his actions speak louder than his words. I also told him that he is a good son, a wonderful father, but a failure as a husband. No woman wants to feel like she does not matter to her husband.
He did not respond. We have not spoken since.
As far as I'm concerned, the marriage is over. Six years of being left out, in last place, made to feel unimportant and invalidated, and treated as a non-family member/roommate/convenience - I am done.
Friday is his birthday. I'm debating whether or not to call or text him "Happy Birthday".
I need to be clear to him that disregarding me and treating me like a convenience will not be tolerated. I put up with it for way too long.
However, it is his birthday, and I do want to acknowledge it and wish him well.
What do you all think?
Should I text him Happy Birthday, or not?
9 Answers
- 8 years agoFavorite Answer
No ma'am, As much as you love him, his is just dragging you along as a convenience for himself. And it seems like he is just using you. I wouldn't even speak to him unless it concerns your child (if you have child/ren in common.) You seem like you already know all of this and that you just want to hear it from someone else. Sweetie im here to tell you to move on; find someone that will treat you as an equal! :)
- 5 years ago
You can not take concerns into your possess hands. It just don't work that means. You sound like you need this time aside to get you some help mentally. You made it before him, which you can make it after him. Do not supply him that much power over your lifestyles. He is a person, not God. I feel your movements are pushing him away...The txt'g stop the calls stop. Leave him alone to believe, and leave out you. If a person desires you, nothing can hold him away. If he would not want you, nothing could make him stay.
- Anonymous8 years ago
First of all, I hope your husband being constantly late isn't the reason you are getting divorced! My husband is late picking me up ALL THE TIME! No way am I going to give him the flick over that. It is nothing personal that his time management skills suck.
Personally, I think the guy has genuinely tried his best with you, but it all just got too hard... maybe you guys are totally incompatible. I also think, based on what you have said here, that you texting him happy birthday would be sending out mixed messages.
- 8 years ago
Do not wish him a happy birthday. However, buy him a blow up doll with a picture of your face on the doll. He'll appreciate your sense of humor. In the mean time, go out there and get laid.
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- 8 years ago
Say happy birthday but in a cruel waspy kind of way that would actually make him feel even worse, for example: Even though you never cared about me or my birthday I would still like to wish you a happy birthday..
- 8 years ago
I would text him, but say something like, 'Wishing you happiness on your birthday and in your coming year'.
