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Please critique my poem?
I'm an aspiring writing hoping to get into the Creative Writing field.
Please give me any criticism so that I may improve.
Thank you!
He wears a red sweater, a colour not forgotten
By those who have changed and grown rotten
He once worn green; the colour of grasses
but hate and greed overwhelm as time passes
With a leap of faith, the coat turned to celestial blue
In the hopes of good karma and starting anew
Faith and courage destroyed, the skin trodden black
as he faces hate and numerous attacks
Dark patches of white form on the shield
A sliver of hope and silvery fields
Lust and pride fill those beautiful spots
Uglying the shirt and destroying all thoughts
Until he feels nothing, and the choke turns red
As blood soaks his body and leaves him for dead
Erybody kno: Some people might interpret it like that, but I want it to present water here. It cleanses the soul and body, and allows the person to regain the strength to try again.
5 Answers
- Anonymous8 years agoFavorite Answer
wow this is such a poetic masterpiece and is very well though through when it comes to description and details with color..... the end was a bit of a bang to catch your mind and make it understand the point and thats what really counts.... keep up the great work and youll go far in life with your poetic talent
- 8 years ago
Wow! That's amazing. The rhythm is a little bit sparatic though. Hate to rain on your parade and this will not sound like an expert opinion but is blue not the color for sadness instead of the color for faith and starting anew (even just a light blue like described)?
- Lapiz Dominoes.Lv 78 years ago
It is thought through,ls structured so well,
and poetically is really good, and so exhilirating a blend of spririt and of the visceral
yet
I , personally, wish the final couplet was the one holding out hope . LOL
7.8/ 10.
- mauricioLv 45 years ago
i don't fret approximately harsh critique. i've got had a brilliant style of that throughout my time. You flow forward in case you think of i've got written rubbish. via how, spelling errors on your first line HH. might desire to be pal upload: till you have have been given a diverse way of spelling it anyplace you return from.(smiles)
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- Anonymous8 years ago
It's good, good rhymes, good words. My only critique is I had trouble finding the rhythm of he poem, some lines read differently.
