Why are you against adoption?

You're right. Adoption is wonderful. So when you finally produce a baby with your husband, please give it up to strangers to raise.

Because there is always someone who could be seen as more qualified or more deserving than YOU.

Still support adoption?

Targeted varieties. I'm utterly behind adoption when it's: - From foster care (parental rights terminated and reunion is not feasible) - Adoption of a relative - special desires, whereby the dad and mom quit their child quite simply for the reason that they cannot accommodate the exact wishes of a little one, ie down's syndrome or cerebral palsy. - If the mothers and fathers actually do not want to guardian. I think the above two will have to be dealt with via foster care regardless of age - what i'm ordinarily against is corporations and brokering. I'm mostly excellent with adoption itself: what i don't like or trust is that it's a business. When they begin placing a cost on human lifestyles is when I draw the line. If you are paying someone, and that anyone shouldn't be an adoption legal professional or it's not going straight to the care of the little one or different kids in services (as with foster care), any person is making a revenue out of splitting up a family that could no longer must be break up up at all. I'm neutral on worldwide adoption, on account that I should not have any expertise or expertise. I'll err on the part of warning and say i would not recommend it, individually. Where's the must go overseas coming from when there is actually thousands of youngsters in foster care right here?

Not everyone is against adoption. I am against adoption where there is coersion or the biological mother is MADE to think that she can't raise the child herself or that she is being selfish to keep the baby. This pressure is usually from her family, boyfriend, husband, friends or (unfortunately) forums like these.

I support adoption where a mother has been provided information about the resources that she has available to assist her in raising the baby, and where it is HER choice.

That is why I am so mad when I see people saying things like, "how can I adopt without having to pay a lot of money?" or "what is the easiest way to adopt a baby?" If it is easy or cheap, than that probably means that some corners were cut, and that the mother probably wasn't provided all of her options.

Ranchmom has a great answer as well!

I'm not against adoption. I am against people who have bad attitudes about adoption such as:

1. I am automatically a better parent than a 17 year old because I'm an adult. How many adults do you know who are *terrible* parents? I know way too many.

2. If I am in a bad financial situation, I should place my baby for adoption. In reality, there is no guarantee that even if everything were perfect when the child is born that things would stay that way, so finances are the last reason anyone should consider adoption.

3. I want to adopt only because I can't have a biological child. I will kick my adoptive child to the curb, emotionally speaking, if I do produce a biological child in the future. This happened to my step dad. Decades later he is still dealing with the emotional fall out.

4. Any time a person manipulates and threatens a mom into giving up custody of her child. This happened to someone very very close to me.

When am I for adoption? When someone places her child for adoption because she truly feels unprepared to be a parent. When kids are removed from abusive homes and the original parents cannot get their act together despite intense effort on the part of social services to help them. When kids are truly orphans and would spend their lives in orphanages if not adopted.

I'm an adoptee. My parents wanted to be parents because they love children. My original mom felt unprepared to be a parent.

I'm an adoptive mom. Our oldest daughter became part of our family as a teenager, after a nightmare of a childhood in which her mom and dad were unable to get their act together.

I'm for adoption, in the right circumstance and done the right way.

You are ideally placed to adopt a sibling group from foster care - give a group of kids the chance to grow up together with the great parents I am sure you are. : )

Wishing you well.

Hi I am really sorry you have had to read all of these ridiculous answers. People tend to read half a sentences and go off on that. Like you said it is wrong for a mother to be coerced or forced to give up their child and when people ask these questions I don't think that is what they have in mind. Kidnapping kids and selling them is not adoption so that's another argument that could be thrown out. I don't see how people can sit there and judge like they do. They want to start a war because women are being coerced into giving their kid up, but their are not against forcing a mother to keep a kid they might not want. I am really sorry you are having problems having a child and if your willing to adopt I say go for it as long as its through the legal channels. People will always have an opinion and many of them won't make sense at the end of the day the important thing about adoption is giving a child a home which is the main issue.

And this might seem mean but to all those girls that were coerced into giving up their child that was still a decision they made (I understand their are certain circumstances that can change this opinion) if they were mature enough to have a kid they should be mature enough to not get coerced into giving up your child so that right there in my eyes makes all these ladies unfit parents.

I'm NOT against adoption, but maybe we're thinking about two different things. I'm thinking of adoption through the foster care system, which includes sibling sets, teenagers, older children,and medically needy children.

I think there are people who are, just like in politics so far one way or so far the other way where nothing could change their opinion. And while it might be annoying it's perfectly okay, as long as they're not passing judgment on every case.

Me and my fiance plan on adopting later in life, or maybe sooner, but only through the foster care system. He's opposed to international adoption, and I'm opposed to private. And foster care just works for us, we don't want the blonde haired blue eyed baby. We want the 10 year old who's considered not adoptable, we want the group of siblings, and we aren't afraid of medically diagnoses (I'm a nurse).

The only problem I have is when it is done illegally. A baby is stolen from a mother, etc...

Most of the people who insist to potential relinquishing mothers that they must raise their own baby are first (biological) moms who were forced, coerced or tricked into relinquishing their own babies. Some of these individuals have grown to have problems with depression and maladaptive behaviors as adults, and these mothers chalk it up to identity and other problems with adoption.

And to be fair, infant health and development presents tiny issues compared with dealing with the needs of a preteen and teen who's adopted. Often the rebellion is enhanced by the identity and other issues. I do think these adoptees who have had rough time of it have had parents who were controlling, obsessed, etc. -- there are some potential adoptive parents on this site who scare me, not only because they are trolling for vulnerable women here, but because they seem entitled and obsessed -- since they are well-off and infertile and a couple (or so they say) that some poor woman should give them her baby.

As an adult adoptee, I see both sides. Obsessed couples who have dealt with infertility for a long time can end up as controlling, emotionally overwrought parents. But parents who want to give a child a loving home -- a child actually in need of parents -- are a blessing, and sometimes save the life of, a child. Many on here, including me, urge parents to adopt from foster care. My birth mom was pregnant at 15 by a 27 year old married man. She was stuck in an abusive family in a little farmhouse that already held 9 people -- her parents, two older siblings, newborn niece (her sister got to keep her baby, born just three months before me), two younger brothers, and abusive, somewhat senile grandmother. Had my parents known of her situation, as guidance counselors they might well have tried to help get her into a nice foster home with friends of theirs, helped her go on to college, etc. How much my mother would have opened up the adoption when it came to her access to me, I'm not sure.

The reality was, even as a shiny white infant, I *was* a foster child, handled by a faith based agency, with no one who could care for me. Having just turned 16, my mother had no way to get out of her situation with a baby in tow. There really are some infant adoptions that happen in the very best interest of the child.

I am adopted ,I am a Step Mother and a 'Biological' Mother and I am entirely pro adoption. I have never had the slightest curiosity in finding my Birth Mother. I am and will always be eternally grateful to the Woman who gave birth to me for not opting for an abortion. The reason for this I feel (and it is only my experience) is that I was never lied to. I always knew I was adopted so there was never any deceit involved. I had sufficient information about the circumstances of my birth to prevent wild 'fantasies' about my biological family. I have also always known that should I wish to contact them the option was there for me. I think it is a combination of all these things that has meant I have never had any interest. My Brother (adopted from a different biological family) had a different experience. I was 5 days old when I was given up for adoption, he was 14 months old. He was never really curious until he had children of his own. Then seeing them he wanted to know how someone could keep him for so long then give him up. Unlike me he didn't have information. He eventually made contact with his Birth Mother and it did not go well. She lied to him for a long time and when his Half Sisters discovered his existence they where heartbroken. They are now considered part of 'our' family the major impetus for this was when they turned up at my Mum's house to meet their Brother and broke down sobbing wanting to know why she didn't take them too (they weren't born until 7/9 years after my Brothers adoption) they had been 'kept' by their Birth Mother and had not had happy childhoods.

For adoption to work there has to be honesty on all sides, I agree that it should not be a 'profitable' option for anyone involved. But it can and does work. My other half and I are now going through assessment for Fostering. We both feel strongly that we should help children who weren't as lucky as my Brother and I.

Without being harsh to those who say adopt from the foster system this seems hypocritical to me. Other than rare circumstances most of the kids in Foster Care would have benefited from the adoption system long before they where belatedly removed from Parents who couldn't cope with them, or even worse abused them. Just because someone is a teenager doesn't mean they can't be a good Mum, many many young girls disprove this point. Just because someone is an adult doesn't mean they will automatically be a good Mum. When either of them fail to put the needs of their child before their own they have proved they aren't ready for Parenthood. Allowing,or encouraging them to give it a try before they decide 'It's not for them' does no one any favours.

I wish you luck on your journey to Motherhood. It may not be an easy or conventional road but I hope you get there!

Adoption is a wonderful thing. I was adopted, and I'm currently a teenager. I understand the "big bad industry " argument, but anyone who's done any research about adoption knows that using these industry's to adopt a child is by no means the only, or easiest, way. There are plenty of privately run, totally legal adoption agencies that provide birth mothers with resources about adoption, keeping their baby, and abortion. For a birth parent, it can show tremendous responsibility and maturity to admit to themselves that they at not ready to parent, and that their child would be better off in someone else's home. That being said, it is important that they are informed of all their options. As for "keeping the family together" I'm all for it, except that that is a social workers job. If they say that a child is being abused or has a bad home life, it can be better to give a baby or child to another loving, caring home. Of course adoption is not a good thing in specific circumstances, like the birth mother is uninformed, feels pressure, or is being threatened. But honestly, these are very specific instances, and if you go though the process correctly, with an agency you trust, these things won't happen. Good luck!

I was adopted at the age of four months.

I am not against adoption but if I am being honest to have been raised in a biological environment in my own culture would have been my choice. Even if this lacked the material gains found in my adoptive status.

As an infant I had no choice. The adult world took over and decided what was best for me, they all thought about themselves and how manipulating my life could benefit them. Ok I feel a thumbs down coming on for that sentence.

Let me explain. I did love my adoptive parents.

My mother was able to re invent her life without me. That is she pretended I did not exist, future husband and siblings know not of me.

My adoptive parents were infertile and so adopted. That means in my mind I was not the child they hoped to have but the one they were lucky enough to find. There is a difference. I was not their first choice.

Why is it you or anyone for that matter is able to dictate what is better for a particular child? A child who would be your second choice........by your own admission you would love to have a child of your own.

Adoption can benefit certain children but only when all hope of being raised by biological family has been exhausted. For anyone to make a good adoptive parent they need to truly grasp the implications and the inner world of an adopted person.

I need to answer quickly here, but I feel the same way about adoption as I do about organ donations. People who stand to make a profit (social workers, agencies/surgeons, hospitals) will not do as much to help (or encourage) you (and/or yours) to stay intact as they would in cases where they don't stand to make a profit. So, let's be realistic here. Many people (and/or their family members) pay to an extent that noone should pay just to make others MONEY, and subsequently HAPPY/alive, whatever. I just don't like exploitation.