I want to cut my dad off?

I want to start off by saying he's not a bad guy at heart, but he's incredibly weak, and pretty stupid when it comes to emotions.

I've talked with my close family about this and they're pretty divided. I want an opinion from someone who's neutral to the situation.

I'll try and make it not sound like a whine! And sorry about all the swearing...

He left when I was two and I rarely saw him after that. I can remember seeing him at his mum's house occasionally as a kid, but I hardly ever went to stay with him. He got married to another woman (a 23 year old Chinese woman, he was 47) when I was about 5 (I think) and didn't invite me, or my twin sisters who were 13 at the time to their wedding- even though they only got married an hour's drive away from my home, near his mother's house.

He lived right across the country all this time.

He had two children with his new wife, who are lovely little girls and would be my only regret in cutting him off.

Anyway I moved abroad for two years at the age of 9, and just before I was about to come back after having not seen him all this time he phoned to tell me he was moving to Macau (south of China) for a new job. He said he had to support his family, and couldn't get a "good" job in the UK.

Even though I was only 11 at the time I hung up on him. It really p*ssed me off because my mum had been working around the clock to get £12,000 a year (including all government benefits she could get) to feed and clothe 3 children and pay all the bills, with absolutely NO support off him. The only reason that we were abroad was because she was offered a good job there, as she has really good qualifications- again, she gave up on a career to have a family, and help him achieve his A levels, BA degree and PhD.

Over the past 6 years (I'm 17 now) I've seen him for about two weeks every other year when he comes over to Britain. He looks unhealthy, drinks far too much- about 8 cans every night during the holidays- and acts like an idiot... which is probably an understatement. I no longer feel any connection with him, and neither do I want to: literally the only thing that he inspires me to do is to not, under any circumstances, act like him.

We email each other occasionally, when I feel guilty and I guess that's his main reason for doing it too. I'm too much like my mum for him to like me- he thinks my mum's crazy, which she is, and a b*tch, which she definitely isn't. tbh I wish she was enough of a b*tch sue him for not providing any child support, cause he deserves to be put through a bit of sh*t himself.

I don't want to live with this pain any longer. I didn't know how to love myself, respect myself or to be happy until recently: only taking drugs (MDMA, mushrooms and LSD in particular) showed me how to, but they also f*cked me up. I know this was his fault because not having a parent is like having half your childhood missing: nothing can fill that hole.

I know how unfair blaming him for all this seems to be, but it's the truth. I've tried so hard to forgive him, but I can't. He is literally the reason for most of my problems.