Who should sleep on the couch?

I'm not sure... but I think you married a jerk.

My husband, when I married him, told me that if we ever had a falling out then I would get the bedroom because I'm the woman and he's a gentleman. He talked about how this was something he grew up seeing his mom insist on. It was HER bedroom, and her husband was invited in there. My parents... even if they argued or my dad snored like a semi-truck, they slept in the same room. It was unacceptable for them to sleep apart, that's not what married couples do. I simply cannot fathom the situation you're describing. I would be not just upset and feeling bad but livid.

My husband works nights. Hard work, on his feet all day, and he sleeps during the day with the baby in the room with him (she's 4 months) and 2 kids running around the home. Since we formula feed he takes the morning feed when he gets off work and lets me sleep in, and on his days off he feeds her. When we sleep, she sleeps in the room with us, and that's how it's been with all of our kids (3 now.) We have a sound machine, but you get used to the grunts and snuffles. My husband knew that when we first brought our oldest home (he used to live by train tracks, he knows very well you can get used to noises, a baby's snuffling is not that hard to get used to. Suck it up and deal with it would be my response to my husband.)

I would tell my husband that as a lady and his lady to boot it is extremely rude and beyond comprehension that a gentleman like himself would not give her the more comfortable room, not to mention it's much harder to get a baby to sleep soundly through the night if you're not in an enclosed room, not to mention on top of that the dangers of possibly breastfeeding while reclined on the couch and her falling off. Then there's the whole "what if there's a fire" situation, you wouldn't have the door closed if you're out in a living room and the two of you would literally be in more danger. I would tell him that it's my bed, that if he can't handle the baby's noises then he can choose to leave the room, but that we're using the bedroom.

Your husband needs to grow up.

why can't he sleep in the same room as baby? Try lying down to feed your baby while breastfeeding. And look into getting a better couch or a single bed with a comfortable mattress if this can't be resolved. A lot of people do sleep separately, but the guilt and the emotional abuse that's going on isn't normal. And no-one should be sleeping somewhere uncomfortable.

Off the top of my head, it sounds like this baby was unplanned and he hasn't come to terms with the situation yet. Sorry, that's probably not what you wanted to hear, but it seems that's probably the case, and you should encourage him to spend more time with the baby, and fall in love with baby.

If that's not the case, and he said this is what he wants, I'm sorry to say it, but this sounds more abusive than you seem to be realizing. I understand after he had a tooth pulled and was in pain wanting to sleep alone (the polite thing to do would have been for him to buy a new couch that's more comfortable, or sleep in room that will be baby's in a single bed), but the rest of it isn't OK. Especially the bit about how he earns the money etc. It's been agreed that you have and care for baby, he brings in the money. In terms of who needs sleep more, if it's this soon after birth, then the answer is you. At the moment, looking after baby isn't physically demanding, but it is sleep-depriving, it's constant and it's 24/7. You don't clock off from your shift, you don't have weekends, you don't have holidays, and you don't get overtime rates. After a while, it will be more physically demanding, and you'll need more sleep then, too.

Your husband is being selfish. Absolutely. No argument.

I do understand that he needs to get up for work in the morning. However, he is also a parent, so should expect some discomfort. He is being a bit precious complaining about the noise the baby makes. Sounds like it is time Daddy grew up! I honestly think he should choose - either learn to live with the noise - or sleep on the couch. In any case, surely he doesn't work every day. So he should at least be sleeping on the couch on the days when he doesn't have work the next day.

Start as you mean to go on. He is deliberately making a fool of you. If you don't stop it now, this controlling behaviour and emotional abuse will get worse and worse until it becomes physical abuse.

Oh and just because you are breast feeding doesn't mean he can't help. When I was ill after my first baby, my husband would be the one to get up and latch baby on to my breasts, then wind him, change him and latch him on to the other side. Make sure your husband knows that while you are breast feeding, although he can't feed baby, when he is home he can burp her, change her, rock her to sleep, and he definitely should be coming home and making dinner for you so you get a chance to put your feet up and have a rest while he takes over. Of course he wants a rest too, but he should be completely taking over for at least 2 hours every evening, and longer at weekends, to give you a break. The way I see it is he gets lunch breaks and tea breaks at work, whereas a full time mom doesn't get any break at all.

Why not share the bed? If you can afford, get a baby monitor and keep it in your room. You can be the one to take care of the baby when your hubby has work the next day, but you guys can switch off when he doesn't work the next day. If you can't afford it, keep the baby just outside the room so you'll be woken up when he cries.

More importantly, you need relationship counseling. He may not do it intentionally, but he's being very selfish. It is NOT NORMAL AT ALL for someone to be sent to the couch. Neither of you should be sleeping in the same room as the child. You and your husband both need your sleep, and your child needs to learn how to sleep on his own.

Hun if my hubster suggested I sleep on the couch with our baby cos he earnt the money his dinner would be thrown at him lol

Why cant you all sleep in the same room? your husband can get over himself and buy some earplugs, sorry mate babies cry and yup they cry in the middle of the night when you're trying to sleep. Or do you have a spare room?? if so buy a single bed for that and you and the baby move in there or your husband can. Or if not then you two should be taking turns on the couch. Or you could buy a single bed and put it in the corner of the lounge and make hubby sleep out there. You needa put your foot down girl, fairs fair. Tonight you are going to sleep in your room in your bed and dont you budge girl, if you husband doesn't like it he can suck eggs and bugger off! (sorry what a jerk!) You just carried a baby for 9 months and gave birth you deserve to be comfy in your bed.

You BOTH sleep in the bed and the baby either sleeps in the bassinet next to you, or in a crib in his own room. You keep a baby monitor by the baby's crib so you can hear if he cries. You TAKE TURNS getting up with the baby, no matter who earns the money. It's not just a matter of sleeping, it's a matter of bonding with your child. You BOTH need to do that. If you want to let him sleep most of the time, then you get up twice for every one time he gets up.

You both deserve the bed. Me and mine had this issue when baby first came home. He found a way to sleep through the babies night noises and when I was ready, I moved the baby to her own room.

Cuddling is one of the few things in little I enjoy so sleeping separately to me, is not an option.

Male perspective is that you are both working to achieve your goals. You are at home but working to raise the child you both had. He is at work trying to bring home money so you can enjoy a lifestyle. He does have to work outside the house so you want him fresh and in top shape, hopefully he gets a raise or promotion. He wants you happy so that you are a good mother and homemaker. I think you should give him the bed on the nights he has to work the next day, and get it when he is off. I know it is tough now but it will only be for a few more months so don't worry.

Yeah sometimes, when I'm watching a really good movie. But not too often cause my couch is very uncomfortable. When I get a comfy couch, dam skippy I will.

im so glad that you have chosen to breastfeed! keep up the great work momma

and he should understand that your tired.

I say he take the couch and you and the baby sleep in the bed. (:

Thats how me and my now 8 month old did it when my husband returned to work

my husband said he actually liked the couch better plus he got to watch TV

talk to him about this and maybe you 2 could come up with a schedule

(:

good luck!