Questions for adoptive parents ...?

Which agency/organization/service did you go through?

DCFS - Dept. of Child & Family Services (foster care) in Los Angeles County.

Would you go through the same one again?

Yes, if I wanted to adopt again. I don't.

Where there any additional costs you hadn't anticipated?

No. Adopting from foster care is free or nearly free. Paying money to adopt a child is the same as buying a human being and should be illegal.

(What was the total cost, if you're willing to share?)

Zero. Any money we put out (ie: hiring an attorney for finalization of the adoption) was reimbursed to us by the county.

Do you have any "warnings" to look out for our tips?

Yes. Look out for idiots who tell you that fostering is very expensive. They're lying.

Are there any online communities you would recommend to continue having these kind of discussions with other adoptive parents?

Stick around here and you'll learn a lot. You'll have to figure out how to dilute the responses since many of them will be from people who enjoy coming here to lie and bash others, but if you're halfway intelligent, this should be obvious to you.

Adopting a waiting child from foster care is pretty much the only ethical kind of adoption. Putting in an order for a baby (ie: choosing the gender, race, etc.) is disgusting. Most babies don't need homes because they already have them. If their mothers had some support, they could raise their infants just fine. Kids in foster care NEED homes and loving families. Period.

1) Foster care ( was foster parents first then the goal was adoption )

2) Yes and no. I have been asking that myself lately. Yes, for the fact that we would for sure adopt again. No, for the fact that being a foster parent you lose a lot of privacy and the state practically rule your house with all their rules and regs. To some people it might not be intrusive to others is. Is it worth it? Yes. We have 2 gorgeous sibling group that today we can say they are our children, legally. Would I go this route again? It depends on a lot of things, but as of now, I would probably go straight to adoption instead of foster to adopt, like you are probably doing and because I have been on that other side as well before we got into becoming foster parents. But here is the thing, there are some advantages for doing foster to adopt vs adoption by itself. You get to take the child in much quicker and to top it off before you get matched ( adoption part of the process ), you have much more options in terms of what child you want to take in. For instance, we have a 2 and 1 year old, if we had gone through adoption only we would have probably not found such young children. In fact when we took them in she was 20 mon and he was 7 mon. So we got to experience that part of their lives before they actually became available for adoption. The cons of all this, is that although you want to be an adoptive parent, you are a foster parent and the child may go away just as quick as they came, unless you request for only children available for adoption only or something similar. Or close enough to be available.

3) Public adoption is free. The whole process whether you go to foster to adopt or adopt by itself.

I would suggest for you to find a adoptive support group. One that you can attend in. I find it to be better than online ones. Although on lines ones can be extremely helpful as well.

Hope I helped any. :)

I went through a non profit Christian children home that had a program for single girls who are pregnant. I contact my church and got the agency. Yes, I would use them again if I decided to adopt another one. No, the agency was very straight forward with the cost. They kept it as low as possible and getting donations from other churches and individuals help. The one expense I did have that was not planned for is I paid travel expenses to let the bio mother and bio father come meet the babies and this was before relinquishment papers had been signed. I had met them bout a month before the twins were born. I admit that letting them come see the twins was scary. I know they could say well, we are taking them back with us. But I couldn't not let them see the babies. We have a semi open adoption at their request. I send letters and pictures to the agency. I have given the okay for them to write back but the bio mother has only done this once when they were very young. There is an income adoption credit that help us defray cost of adoption. Foster care has no cost adoption. While don't expect a new born, I have had a couple of friends who got infants less than a 2 months old. Advice would be is always tell them they are adopted. Tell them as they grow and they will understand. I found programs like Mrs Spiders sunny patch that had adoption situations even with have bio children in the mix. I give them the choice of when they tell their friends. And if you first meet me, I am not going to tell you I have adopted twins and 2 bio children. But if you stay in my life you will learn that, its not a secret. Other advice is you are going to have to develop a thick skin. There are people who are anti adoption and they will let you know it. There will be some adoption stories that will not be good. But that is just how things are. Some people shouldn't be parents weather its adoption or bio. If you are looking to adopt an infant, understand its a hard choice to make and they may change their mind. First 3 birth mothers changed their mind after picking me. But forth one didn't. I took the twins in what is called an at risk placement as they had not signed off and didn't until the babies were couple of months old. Yes, that was nail biting but while it scared me, I knew this was one of the toughest choice you can make. I didn't put down a certain gender. I did request medical info but when I met the bio parents, I ask more questions and learned a lot that the agency didn't have in their records. It takes time, sometimes you can wait for several years. As for the home study i had 3. First one before I brought the babies home and then one about week after I brought them home and another one 3 months later. They look at my house and ask me some questions. They ask questions about my parents but didn't ask to met them. They said if they had lived in the same town it would have been requested since they would have more contact. Good luck

I'm hoping that you get some more in depth answers to your questions than I'm about to offer. I recently joined a facebook group called adoption situations. The ladies in the group seem to have a wealth of knowledge about different agencies. Some are good and some should definitely be avoided. I've also found this group to be a great support. I also suggest joining adoption.com and browsing the adoptive parents forums. Before we adopted our first child I felt all alone with nobody to talk to. We are in the process of adopting our second and I've discovered that a huge support system is at my fingertips with the help of a computer. Good luck to you!

We are potential adoptive parents, and will adopt from foster care. We are foster parents. Unfortunately, there is a small group on here that will get ugly with you. Ignore them.

1. We are adopting from foster care.

2.

3. Oh, my, yes. Fostering is very expensive.

4. It's very hard to say.

5. Expect behaviors, medical isdues, etc.

Social workers will explain all they know about a child.

We had several home visits. It's basically the social worker getting a good idea if your home is a good fit for a child.

Which agency/organization/service did you go through? Which agency/organization/service did you go through? Would you go through the same one again? --I went through my former foster care agency. My former foster care agency no longer has the adoption contract in my area so I switched agencies a few years ago. If they hadn't lost the contract, I would probably still be with them because they were a good agency. I am in the process of adopting now through my current foster care agency.

Where there any additional costs you hadn't anticipated? Adopting through foster care is fairly inexpensive. I have never heard of any of them being more than $1000 and most are reimbursed. My expenses for my sons were reimbursed. The only costs that may not be reimbursed are travel expenses (e.g. gas, hotel rooms, tolls etc) that one would have from traveling to and from for visitations. Of course, if you keep your receipt and the adoption actually goes through you get reimbursed. If the visitations do not go well or the adoption does not go through then you won't get reimbursed.

Do you have any "warnings" to look out for our tips?--If you adopt from foster care, learn to read between the lines with profiles. Also, if you get matched with a kid and the child says he does not want to be adopted, don't hope that he will just "warm up to the idea" I had a kid that I wanted to adopt years ago who was 12 and he just didn't want to get adopted. He had a fantasy that when his cousin turned 18, she would adopt him and no matter how much he told the worker that she tried to get him adopted and it just turned out to be a lot of heartache for everyone involved.

Are there any online communities you would recommend to continue having these kind of discussions with other adoptive parents?--I don't know any infant adoption ones but they shouldn't be hard to find if you google " adoption support groups" or you can call your local hospital and ask them if there is one. I always think it is better to have one on one support than on-line.

What was the home visit like?--Well, there are certain aspects of the home visit that are kind of silly. For example, you can not have a bottle of soap out that says "keep out of reach of children" but you can put the same soap in a decorative container and it can be out. Same soap, just different packaging. Make sure all of the really important things are in place (e.g. plugs on outlets, windows 21" across, pet area very, very clean (you should send your pets to a friends for the day and clean up ALL traces of the animal) do a good cleaning (it doesn't have to be obsessive but cleaner than you would if you family is coming for the holidays) all dangerous chemicals up 6" including bleach, screens fixed, toilets and sinks functioning. Don't worry about whether your clothes are folded in your drawers. They aren't going to look. If you have any risque novels, magazines or toys, hide them on the top shelf of your closet. All beds on frames even if your son prefers to sleep on a mattress on the floor, have it up on frames the day of the inspection. Be calm, concise. Don't try to "sell" yourself and answer questions honestly . All couples fight so saying that you don't fight is going to make them wonder. Just say something innocuous such as "we fight over who gets the t.v." Do NOT say you fight over money even though money and sex are the top two reasons married couples fight.

Lastly, if you adopt from foster care, I highly encourage you to foster first just to get some good skills first. If you choose to adopt an infant, that is your choice also. It is not unethical to do so as long as you adopt from an ethical agency and live up to your word (e.g if you say the adoption will be open, keep it open).

Good Luck.