Husband argues with me constantly because I can't find job?

Question

We have been married for 8 years. We have 2 kids. My littlest is going to start school this year she just turned 5. I just graduated college with an associate degree, about 2 months ago. I have not had no interviews. I have been applying everywhere like a mad woman, because the stress is unbearable. I take my son to school, cook, clean, do laundry, groceries while taking care of my other little one. My husband comes home from work, to argue with me because I can't find a job. He says Im not trying hard enough, that I don't do anything all day, that I need to help him out. I understand but I cant do anything about it. I haven't even had my graduation yet. I am doing the best I can. My friend told me she was going to let me know when they had an open position at the bank she works in. I told him about it and he says " How much are they going to pay you? Because it better be more than 15$ an hour." I just want a job. I dont care much about the pay, and any job is better than no job. He hates giving me money, and tells me the same thing over and over when I ask him for money: " You need to get a job." I am afraid to ask him for money. Last week I was very sick with a fever and just decided to not bother and ask him for money. The second day the pain was very bad and I couldn't stop coughing so I asked him for money to buy medicine and he starts arguing about me needing to get a job. Our son had a field trip where he needed to pay and he really was excited to go. I just didnt want to hear my husband arguing if I asked him for money so I started digging around the house for change and in coat pockets, pant pockets for any money so our son can go. After our son goes to his field trip my husband asks me " How did he go if you don't have any money? I told him that I looked around the house. He tells me " Oh, he could've had extra money to buy something at the museum if you would've looked harder, theres change laying around in the car." I am desperate for a job, anything so I don't have to go through this anymore. My husband has a really good job making about 52,000 per year. He spends so much money on his hobbies ( cars/racing ) and when I ask him about it he says to not worry about his money and worry about getting a job. I am so depressed I just want to disappear. He says he can pay everything but that if I get a job, that will be our " spending " money. Sounds more like HIS spending money because before I started to attend college and I had job, he didn't treat me that way. I always gave him money even without him asking me. Now Im worthless because Im not bringing home a paycheck. What about all the other things I do at home? He used to buy me flowers even if it wasn't a special occasion and surprise me with gifts. Now he doesn't buy me anything at all. Not even for special occasions. For Christmas we were driving and I noticed a store that sells nice purses. I remebered my friend's husband had bought her one for her birthday, so I start telling him about it and he suddenly throws his credit card at me and says " Here! Go F****** buy one!". I was shocked and just handed him his credit card and said " No, thanks. I don't want one." The rest of the ride home was awkward silence. The next day he tells me I don't deserve gifts because I don't have a job. I can't live like this anymore, I'd rather not live at all! What should I do?

Update:

Sorry for the long story I just need help.

msldy808 · Accepted Answer

You guys need marriage counseling, because he is supposed to be your life partner. He is supposed to support you and encourage you, not kick you while you're down. If the marriage counseling doesn't work then he is not worth being married to. He doesn't sound like a real man whose married, he sounds more like a bachelor. He is way too self absorbed and therefore needs to go back to being single so he can work on himself. By the way being a stay at home Mother is harder than any job out there, the only big difference is that one job pays money and the other does not. You do more than enough and any real man would be more than happy to have a woman who takes care of the house. He needs help asap!

Holly · Answer

Wow, it's almost as if I wrote this thread myself.  My husband is the exact same way.  I have a 4-year degree and I've been applying to all kinds of jobs for a year now, so you can imagine the misery I'm in.  My husband also makes plenty of money, and he spends it however he wants to.  He was not like this before we got married....obviously, or I wouldn't have married him.  We have a nice home and I always imagined us growing old in this house and raising my daughter here, but stress from work and a recent financial loss (that is partly his fault) has turned him into a hateful asshole that I don't even recognize anymore.  I almost cried reading this post because I can relate.  I don't know what the answer is but I swear if we ever get divorced I will NEVER, ever allow a man to boss me around, put me down, or control my life ever again.  I will never take the chance of getting married again.  I know a lot of men are not like my husband, but my husband wasn't like that either and he changed.  I know you posted this about a year ago, and I hope you have found a job by now.  I'm so sorry you have to put up with this.

Deanndre · Answer

Aw honey it's seems you have a lot on your plate first off just breath. Second do not be afraid of your husband... That will never be good or healthy for your marriage. You seem to do a lot as a mom so how can yu be a mom and work all the time?? You can't. Tell your husband how you feel. Tell him your scared and tell him it's not fair for you to clean take care of the kids and the house and then the money he earns is all his. It doesn't make sense. Talk to your husband ASAP!

Alan Clark · Answer

He has a HUGE problem,I,M a guy. he needs to be taken out be hind the wood shed and have the **** beatin out of him.What a worthless piece of chit.Its the mans responsibility to take care of his wife and family, they come first,period.Toys what toys he needs to get rid ofthat crap untill he can prove he can care for you properly.I,M sorry but i would turn the cold shoulder to him,cut him off from all sex. Don,t cook any food for him just take care of the kids.Look forward to one thing, getting a job, and as soon as this happensm DIVORCE his ***, he is not going to change.You need to tell him to grow up and be a man instead of a spoiled Brat.If you can,t communicate with him anymore rEMEMBER ITS NOT YOU THAT CHANGED, Its not hard to start over kick his *** out, you,ll get the house,the kids Find your self a Real man .

l8tr g8tr · Answer

You are all over the place.

Apply for jobs that you can obtain with the career field you just received your degree.  They will be entry level.  That's it!

Maybe he's stressed out I don't know but ask him to be respectful and give you time to find a job.  You could - just for ha ha's - create a job log and keep track of everything you have applied for.  This would serve two purposes.  One - you have a clear record of where you applied so you can follow up.  Two - you have a clear record of where you applied so if your husband gets on your case you can show it to him and tell him to stick it.

As for the money and such...you are going back and rehashing old arguments.  Forgive and forget...move on...focus on today.

Anonymous · Answer

He sounds like a terrible man! What kind of person would treat their significant other that way! I dunno wut to say cuz leaving is probably not an option since u have no job but when you get one I suggest leaving. He treats you like crap, he doesn't deserve you.
Keep trying honey, and when you apply call the next week if they haven't called you already and say your name ask if they have had a chance to look at your application yet. Let then know your serious! You may have already knew that and be doing it but just making sure in case you didn't. That's what got me my first job, lol. Even though it is at mcdonalds.

Starts with L · Answer

Im kinda in the same situation. I know how you feel. Dont let him make you feel bad and put you down. Your relationship wont work for long if you let him control you and always make you feel bad. Thats not fair. If he loved you he would treat you with respect and encourage you not put you down. Try to talk to him about changing his attitude or take action and get councelling or divorce.

Anonymous · Answer

Leave ASAP. Clearly the man doesn't love or respect you. There are plenty of fish in the sea, don't let life pass you by.

Michelle D · Answer

Ugh, your husband is an asshole. 

Leave him. Start applying EVERYWHERE, not just your field of study. You're right; anything helps. Good luck.

mmm · Answer

he is valuing your worth through money

he thinks he wears the pants because he brings home the bacon

he does not value you as a person, a mother or as a wife

Trending News

Husband argues with me constantly because I can't find job?

12 Answers